Sunday, November 21, 2010

It's Almost Time (Day 205)

I'm almost done counting, I'm almost done with this deployment. We made it. There were times during the deployment that it seemed impossible. The first month, the fourth month, and the 6 month marks were the worst. No doubt about it. But I knew we could do it. And to my surprise...I will have gone 207 days without Skype. I thought I was going to die not being able to Skype because he was so busy. Then, we got 5 and a half months into the deployment (he was still busy all the time) and we just decided that we would try and go "old school". So we didn't Skype even when we got the chance. So really, I haven't looked at my husband in 7 months. I'm pretty proud of myself, and we both agreed it should make the homecoming that much more special.

I've been sort of busy getting everything ready for him to come home. First, I have to feed the puppy, play with the puppy, and then I have to get the puppy to take a nap so I can get things done. Just another thing that confirms I won't be having kids anytime soon. It has been interesting. But, it has helped me space things out so I have things to do every day. Time still doesn't seem to go fast enough though.

I really don't have much to clean because I am a clean freak all the this has led to me obsessively cleaning. I'm cleaning baseboards and window sills. And I might have re-organized and cleaned the inside of every cabinet in the apartment. Think he will notice? Most likely not. But hey, I know its clean. Clean makes me happy and gives me a better day. It never fails. I still have a few extra things to do for him tomorrow and I'm excited about it.

Off topic a little bit...Sarah Palin's new show "Sarah Palin's Alaska" is absolutely amazing. You may love me or hate me for this but, I think me and her would be best friends. She's awesome. And look at Alaska, it's amazing, so she must be doing something right. I love her. And I would love to move to Alaska. Seriously.

Also, in the past week, I have seen two different cars with stickers that say "RIP Michael Jackson" and then the years he lived. Is that really necessary? Probably not.

Some people, I will never understand them.

I absolutely love my life, my husband, myself, my puppy. And soon, I will be eating dinner with him, not eating cereal for all three meals of the day. Life will be back in session. I could not ask for more.

Oh and not to toot my own horn, but I'm looking amazing right now. The past 7 months of working out and taking care of myself have done me good. Can't wait for him to see me, I'm thinking he'll be surprised.

Hope everyone has a great week! I know I will!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I'd Do Anything (Day 197)

As if having a puppy isn't enough to handle - I am getting sick too. He's a pretty calm dog, but when he wants to play, he really wants to play. I'm talking like running around as fast as he can in the grass outside and leaping over 4 foot tall bushes. Yeah - at 3 AM. Meanwhile, I have on 3 jackets and 2 scarves and I'm freezing my ass off (I'm from Arizona, remember?). So now I have some kind of cold, or at least I hope that is all it is.

Weikle's homecoming might be setting in now. I think about it and I feel sick to my stomach. I get horrible butterflies and feel so nervous. Seriously, I feel like I am racing again and the 30 second board just went up. I keep pacing around my apartment and looking at everything to make sure it's perfect. I hang something, then I take it down, then I put something else there, then I end up putting things back where they were. I have a list of exactly how I am going to clean everything and exactly what cleaning products I will use. Obsessive much?

Another Saturday night in bed and alone -- but guess what? I only have one more Saturday night alone. Then, every Saturday night for the next 60 years I will spend with my best friend. We'll be 80 years old, quoting movies, working out, and arguing over the game Monopoly on Wii. No big deal. Of course, this is only if he doesn't reenlist again after 4 more years. But, I would do this deployment again. I'd do anything he asked me to. I couldn't imagine my life without him, even if it means talking to him on the phone for 7 months. Bring it on, throw anything at our marriage, we'll show you what being best friends and being in love is all about.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Day 192

My titles for these posts are just sooo exciting, I know. But, I am out of titles. My brain can't think of anything witty or cute anymore.

I remember when I was excited about reaching Day 10, I was excited about the double digits. Man, I had no idea what I was in for. We are almost to Day 200 now. I have been through a lot of ups and downs in the past 192 days. I am so ready for life to be back to normal. I am so ready to see him and kiss him until he can't take it anymore. My best friend is almost home and damn does it feel good. So good.

Yesterday, we welcomed a little boy into our family. We named him Remi, after Remington shotguns. That was the husbands idea and I loved it. He is a pure bred chocolate lab and he is 13 weeks old. He weighs a little over 30 pounds already...he's going to be a big boy. He's very well behaved. He has his head asleep on the side of my computer as I am typing this. I tried to add a picture to this post, but for some reason it isn't working.

I'm getting last minute things ready for the hubby's return. Organizing, working out, and more organizing. I'm going to have to color my hair, get my nails filled, and keep on tanning. Ahhh I love it. So stoked.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Day 186

I really don't even know what to say. It's November, finally. I look at my phone and it says "November 2nd 10:52AM" and I smile. November!? I can't even believe it. I've sat here for 186 days and thought about what it would be like for it to be November, what his homecoming day would be like. I've thought about if I still know how to kiss or not, how I will do my hair, if my teeth will be white enough... Every day it's crossed my mind. You plan for this day from the moment they leave. He stepped on that bus and I was already ready for him to be home. I can't wait to be in his arms. To feel that comfort again, to know I have my best friend by my side again. I have waited and waited for this and now, here I am, just a few weeks away from experiencing it. Will I cry? Will I laugh? Will I even be able to function when I see him? Maybe it will be a mixture of everything and I will look like an idiot. Who knows. I think I will be shocked. Just touching him and not being able to comprehend he is actually there with me. I don't want to cry, I want to look good for him. But who knows what will happen.

I do know that this will be the most fulfilling and exciting day of my life. I've laid in bed so many nights and thought about him and what he's doing. Soon, I will know. He'll be next to me and I won't have to worry. He'll be safe, no one will want him dead, and I can relax for the first time in 7 months. I won't have to carry my phone around like it's keeping me alive anymore, I won't have to make sure the battery is completely charged everywhere I go. In fact, I think I will shut the damn thing off for a couple weeks. No more Facebook for communicating with him. No more Yahoo. No bad connections. No more worrying about anything. Just happy. Not feeling alone when you're surrounded by people. I won't cringe every time I see a couple kissing. I won't change the channel when there is a love movie on. I've never wanted anything more than for him to be home. Never.

In just a few weeks I won't be alone anymore. I'll have the man who makes me laugh all the time, the man I would do anything for and know he would do the same. Dependable. I miss that more than anything. To know no matter what, he's there for me. I love this man with everything I have and this deployment has killed me. It's almost over and that is keeping me going. We've come so far and been so strong, it's been unbelievable. Our first year of marriage is almost over. Unfortunately, I have seen my husband less than 4 months in one year. Well, they say the first year is the hardest, I can definitely agree with that.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

You've Been Gone for Far too Long (Day 177)

Love this picture. Love that it was really hard for me to reach my arm all the way around you like that but I didn't want to let go. We are so close to this being over. It is so easy to get really excited and be super optimistic. And then it is really easy to say that it's still too far away. Mixed emotions right now definitely. We've gotten to the point where I only miss you occasionally and I think you don't take my love notes seriously. It's getting old doing the phone and internet communicating thing and we're just ready for you to be home. I think it's probably the 6 month mark where you start to really get used to someone being gone and it's a horrible feeling.
I wear your green tee's, leave your camis on the floor still, and spray your cologne on my pillow just to make sure I keep on missing you. It gets tough. Especially for you. You want normal living conditions. You hardly have anything that reminds you of me, mostly nothing that reminds you of me. It's been 177 days since I saw your smile, looked in your eyes, touched is crazy. I love you so much, we'll get through the last part of this. I promise. And all of this will have been worth it. You getting promoted, reenlisting, getting praised by that Master Gunns the other day... you wanted this deployment. That is why you extended 7 months to be able to go with your guys. It will be worth it. The next 4 years will be worth it too, trust me.

In other news - I realized today that I have only filled up my gas tank 3 times since moving to California almost 2 months ago. Either I don't have a life or I am good at conserving gas/money. Who knows. You decide. Also, any time I do laundry it's usually a full load of underwear and Pj's. So let's lean towards the "not having a life" end of this discussion. Soon, very soon, I can cook and clean and be the amazing wife I am supposed to be. Come on November, come on Thanksgiving. I am ready for you.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Bliss (Day 174)

Ok, I'm alive and functioning normal again. I am still getting flashbacks of the past week, the pain meds really had me out of it. To be honest, I remember hardly anything of what I did, what I said, where I went. Whew. My Mama and Grandma were absolute saints and I don't know what I would have done without them. Seriously. I am just now seeing things my mom had bought me during the time she was here, the little things she did before she left to make things easier on me and so on. THANKS MOM AND GRANDMA. I'm sorry if I didn't say it enough while you were here. I also feel bad that we got to see each other under such "not so fun" circumstances. So I will try my hardest to make it down there for Dad's birthday weekend. I want to actually spend time with you.

There is so much to say I don't know where to start. The surgery day was a breeze, I was nervous over nothing. Like I said, I don't remember anything. I can't believe it has been a week already! Crazy. The doctor said everything went great and just as planned. They look amazing if I do say so myself. After working out and eating good plus these new editions, I have a killer body. (I know, I sound cocky). The pain of this surgery was nothing compared to breaking my foot or collar bone....or even when I was in the hospital with a staph infection. The worst part was not being able to function on the pain meds. It was extremely annoying. The size came out just right and they will continue to change and all that for the next couple weeks, can't wait for that.

Now onto different news. I have heard from the hubby about once in about 2 weeks. Absolutely hating it, but its easier to deal with now that I have been doing it for almost 6 months. October has gone by very fast, so ready for November! When I talked to him we didn't have too much time, I know he is in not very safe conditions, he's more dirty than normal (if that's even possible), and he misses me tons. I threw that last part in, but I am sure it is true :]

I could possibly be the luckiest girl in the world. I don't mean to brag - but I'm going to. We've got everything for our apartment, minus a bed, and didn't skimp on anything. I have a new car, which I still thank my husband for everyday when I get in it. We have no kids. NO kids. That's great for everyone who has them - but we don't want them for at least 5 years. We are newly married and want to enjoy each other (when he is actually home). Plus, I have no stretch marks, I'm in great shape, and if we want to go to the movies late on a Wednesday night - we can. I got the boobs that God forgot to give me. We have a marriage that cannot be explained or replicated. The hubbs will be extremely happy when he buys his new truck the day after he gets home. Yes, I said the day after. He is so stoked to get his truck that we are driving to Arizona the day after to buy him one. We will then be picking up a new bed, a new TV (some huge one he wants), and one of those nifty TV stands for it. So besides him not being home, I would say life is good.

Starting November 1st it's time to get tan, stay tone, nails, toes, hair, clean and organize everything....and then "hurry up and wait". I love my husband, I love the Marine Corps, and pretty much just love the life I have been given. My best friend will be home soon....bliss, pure bliss.

--The song playing may annoy you if it isn't your type of music. But this song brings me to an amazing place. When he was home, his ipod was our alarm and this was the song that woke us up every morning. I can hear him singing it still haha.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I Can Wait Forever (Day 164)

The days just come and go while I'm standing here. I've said it before and I will say it again, I am just wasting time. And I know it's not a great thing to do, I should live every moment of my life like it's the last but it's harder than it sounds. Most of the time I feel like a zombie. I do pretty much the same thing day after day, which isn't that much. But hey, they say keeping a consistent schedule makes time go faster, they didn't say it had to be a busy one.

The truth is, whether this deployment was 7 months or 4 years, I would still be here waiting. I know I complain a lot and some days I feel like I'm going to die, but I haven't. He was right, I have been okay and I will continue to be okay. No matter how long he is away from me (even the month he was in the field) I still hurt and miss him. So, with that being said, I would wait forever. If it meant being with him again, seeing his smile, feeling his touch, smelling his smell...I would, no questions asked. That's something to be proud of.

Weikle is now "out and about" again. This is sort of a bummer for two reasons a. We are on the downhill of this deployment b. We aren't expecting to have communication and I was really hoping to get a phone call before I went into surgery. Could be around 14+ days before I hear from him, but we will see. I was kind of hoping to be able to talk to him while I'm recovering. But who knows. Keeping good thoughts around and can't wait until he's back to where he should be.

Hoping this week goes quick! Let's get another week under our belts. Going to try to post on Friday after surgery but I might be too drugged up. Hope everyone has a good week!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Husband of Mine.

7 October 2010
Sgt. Weikle Dallas K.


It's one of those nights. I miss you terribly. I'm falling apart for the moment and not liking it one bit. I promised I would stay strong, hold my head up and not let you down. But I'm gonna have to let you down right now. I wanna curl up in a ball until you come home. I've never relied so much on anyone in my life. Every email, every phone call, I grasp onto it with everything I have. I never want it to end. I'm sooo sick of needing a good Internet connection to talk to you, having 5 dropped calls in 2o minutes.

I need you here, I need to be held even just for a minute. I haven't had a hug from you in 5 months let alone a hug from anyone in over a month. I can't remember what kissing feels like. I need someone to look at me after I get ready in the morning and tell me I'm beautiful. Someone to laugh at my jokes no matter what. I rely on you so much. You're truly an amazing man, someone that I envy. What you do everyday just amazes me. I couldn't be more proud to call you my husband. You make me the best person I can be and make me see life in a way that most people don't. You make life simple, straight to the point. Your outlook on life amazes me. I respect you so much, you know that. You'll never know the impact you've had on me, the effect your phone call at 1 AM has on me, the amount that I talk about you, how I can smile just thinking about feeling the back of your head after a haircut.

There is so much that you'll never fully know. I can tell you but, babe, nothing will ever come close to explaining how you make me feel. I'm going to show you, trust me. You come home because I have a lot to do. I want to hold your hand like I've never touched it before, watch you as you laugh, tell you thank you for everything you do... You know, when you were home I did everything I could to make your work week better for you and I still never felt like I gave back enough to you. I would do anything you wanted me to, no questions asked. I can honestly say that marrying you was the best thing that will ever happen to me. I can't imagine not having you as my best friend and husband. I married you because you're everything to me and I can't picture going on in life without you. Not a doubt in my mind we were made for each other.

Know that I'm still here missing you as much as the day you left. Missing doing "it" a lot more than the day you left but you already know that. I love you and I can't wait for the day you step off that bus and smile at me, just your smile...I'd give anything for it right now. We have good things planned for when you come home, I just can't wait. Nothing will feel better than that day. I just want your arms around me, to feel you breathe...the littlest things I miss the most.

I'm doing fine babe, I'm just missing you.

This is me kissing you....XOXOXOXO!

I love you a lot. A LOT.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

All is Fair in Love and War (Day 158)

Even with all the bad luck I have been having these days, I feel pretty lucky. Let's talk about the bad luck shall we?

I have horrible night vision which is slowly but surely turning into just plain horrible vision. The other night I got up to use the bathroom at around 4am ( I sleep on the couch) and I couldn't see that well. I had two flame less candles lit for this purpose and they still weren't doing the job. Anyway, our TV stand has a glass front on it that occasionally opens by itself. The husband said we are going to buy a new one - I insisted we don't need one. Well now we do...because I tripped on it and then kicked it, shattering glass about 10 feet in all directions. It took me 2 hours to clean all the glass up. Awesome!

Then, today I was outside spray painting stuff on our patio and went to walk back in the house - the screen door was closed and I smashed right into it. Maybe I shouldn't drive until I get my eyes checked? That could be a good idea.

I finally got a new phone after the whole ordeal with Verizon. And now, the air is going out in my car that we just bought 7 months ago. Oh, and the CD player in it is going out too. Wonderful. The good news is, I finally got base stickers for it. No more getting questioned going through the gate. Good thing, I was running out of stories. Now if only it would stop raining so I could put the stickers on...

Lets talk about that man in the sandbox now.

It's now October, which is good. I've been waiting for this month to come and now I am waiting for it to be over. I want November, I want a week left, I want an hour left, I want to stand in that parking lot and see the buses pull up. But I can't have everything I want. He's doing good, as good as you can be doing over there I guess. He misses me, but who wouldn't? I've been a real smart ass lately, sorry about that. He's said some really sweet things the past couple of days, things I will never forget. He doesn't say sweet things much; that's okay, actions speak louder than words. He's got to go "out and about" one more time for a few weeks and then he's done. Well done doing his job anyway. Then he moves on to doing other stuff for the last 4 weeks or so. We are getting down to the end, let's hope it goes smoothly.

I've got a mission of my own coming up. My mother-in-law called it: Operation Boobies. Haha isn't she clever? That's right, the twins are getting the makeover they have always wanted. October 15th. And let me tell you, this was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. Not to get them, just what size to get. You think you know what size you want and then you start trying them on and can't decide. It's super hard to tell what size they will be because everything is measured in cc's. Not cup sizes. But I decided and it's official. They say the surgery will be less than 90 minutes long and I will only have an hour in recovery. My mom and grandma are coming up to take care of me. And my fellow Marine wife, Natasha, will be here too - giving me shit and taking pictures to completely ruin my self esteem, and of course, send the pictures to my husband so he can laugh too. How great :] I'm stoked and pretty nervous. I've never had anesthesia before. Shouldn't be too bad, my surgeon is amazing.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weather (AZ family and friends)!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

155 Long and Sometimes Hard Days

By far, the worst part of a deployment is missing someone so much that it physically hurts some days. The next worse thing would be worrying all the time. Worrying about how dangerous of a situation he is in, what he volunteered for, what he didn't have a choice to do. It's hard. But beyond that, beyond the job description, there is a lot more to it.

The choices I make. The things I buy. Things breaking. Unexpected expenses. Trips to the hospital. LIFE.

Everything that I do I have to do by myself. Every decision I make for the most part, is only my decision. Sometimes I can wait a few days and hope to get a call from him and then make the decision. But unfortunately, there have been times when I have to make the decision and just hope it's what he would want too. That's hard to do. I'm just one person taking on everything that comes my way. And when it's a bad day I can't just pick up the phone and tell him to make it better. Not only is he too far away to do anything about it, but it could be days or weeks before I hear from him again. It's hard to do everything that life entails without someone there to take some of the load off of my shoulders.

Verizon Wireless got to experience one of my bad days today. I walked in, guns blazin', walked up to the lady and started to explain my irritating situation with a firm but nice voice. When she opened her mouth and could hardly speak English, my tone changed a bit. When she told me I was wrong, my tone was no longer my "inside voice". I am NEVER wrong unless my Mama or husband says I am first of all. Second, I am the customer, I will never be wrong. This was the point when I began to feel my face get hot and I started to shake a little. I could tell by the sound in my voice that the adrenaline was taking over. I wanted to describe to her what the past 5 months have been like for me, tell her that my husband shouldn't be risking his life for people like her...but I didn't. I started crying. Yep. Right in the middle of the store. And not just a tear, like almost hyperventilating crying. Then I yelled "whatever the F!@# ever" and walked out. How embarrassing. But man, I was infuriated. Verizon needs to work on their customer service.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

In Afghanistan or Not... (Day 151)

I thought day 150 was going to feel a lot better than it did. It was actually just another day, just another number. And now I have a new countdown. I physically cannot function for a day without thinking that I just want it to be tomorrow, I just want another week to be over. Another month to come and go faster than the last.

Lets look at the time since he left.

151 days.

22 weekends.

Almost 5 months.

217,440 minutes.

3,264 hours.

10 pay checks.

Probably 300 emails.

Around 40 hours of phone conversation.

No Skype.

40 or so pictures.

I sat on my couch yesterday, covered up with our feather blanket and closed my eyes. I tried to think of the first night of him being home. I tried to imagine him laying next to me, seeing him look back at me, being able to hold his hand. I got so close to imagining kissing him and then I lost it. The visual in my head went away. Certain daydreams can seem so real, he was almost here and then BAM, the images were gone. It might seem exaggerated, but in all honesty, it's not.

He's my best friend. I miss the smart ass comments, him making fun of me, him chasing me around the apartment. He would do anything for me. He doesn't care if he ends up happy, he doesn't care if he benefits from it or not. He's tired, dirty, and sick right now and he still looks out for me. He hasn't showered alone, pissed in a real toilet, watched TV, had real sheets, worn a pair of jeans, ate a home cooked meal, gotten "any", or kissed his beautiful wife in 5 months. And has NEVER complained. Yes, I do get the phone calls where he isn't in a good mood, where he's irritated and tired, but never heard a complaint. Except that he's excited to come home.

When we say our wedding vows again I believe we will be throwing in an extra line...

In sickness and in health, in Afghanistan or not, til death do us part.

Me and my best friend, forever. I'd do anything for him, 8,000 miles away or not.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Friday Nights. (Day 147)

Oh how I hate Friday nights. It's funny how things change. When you're in high school, Friday nights are pretty much your entire world. Football games, dances, parties, etc. And maybe after high school you still count on Friday nights to make the week a little better. I used too. And then my Fridays became the day to wait. Or should I say, "hurry up and wait". That's when it all started. I worked hard all week at school, wore his sweatshirt when I missed him, and very impatiently waited for him to show up at my door in the late hours of Friday nights. It was always different, sometimes 11 o'clock and sometimes 2 in the morning. Sometimes I could stay awake until he got there and sometimes it just wasn't happening. Every 5 days for almost 3 months, it was the same Friday night.

Then, we got married. Most of the time, Friday nights were amazing because it meant not waking up at zero 5 to send him off to work. But sometimes Friday nights were more than that, it was the best dinner of the week, no bed time, and just us - Marine Corps not included for 2 days.

Now, to put it nicely, Friday nights are no fun. They suck. If he were home we probably wouldn't be doing anything too much different - just laying on the couch watching movies, enjoying each other. But Friday nights spent alone are painful. I sit and wonder what he's doing, which is never the same thing I am doing because my Friday night is his Saturday afternoon. It's just hard. Living close to base means my apartment complex is full of Marines, and civilians of course, who still enjoy their Friday night regardless of whether or not I am. And, if I haven't heard from him in awhile it makes it even harder to get through the weekend. The days just drag on.

It's crazy to think that we are almost 5 months through this deployment. It's even crazier to think about how "unreal" his homecoming seems. I miss him so much and I still cry every so often when the world seems to be working against me. It seems like the littlest things can set me off just because of how much I miss him. But, when I think about him coming home - I don't feel like he ever will. It's gotten to the point where I am used to missing him. I'm used to not feeling him, seeing him, touching him, knowing him. And I guess that's what the Marine Corps considers "in the groove". You still miss them just as much, you just get used to it. Missing him is an every day thing, it's part of my daily schedule to stop and think about him and now my brain doesn't know anything different. So I guess it's like when he left...It didn't feel like he was leaving until the bus pulled away and it won't feel like he's coming home until I'm in his arms. And I have to be okay with that. I have to be okay with being used to missing my husband. That is hard.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

I've Had Enough (Day 142)

I have had enough of the bad things in life lately. Pretty much anything that could have went wrong in the past 4 weeks or so, has gone wrong.

I'm not going into great detail because just thinking about the things I had to deal with in the past few days makes me mad. And, it's not exciting. So just consider yourself lucky that you didn't have the past couple days that I did. Deal?

Something I have been meaning to write about for awhile is about people, specifically about past/present friends. It's funny what a deployment can help you realize. You first realize just how many people don't and never will understand what you're going through. That is probably the hardest part. It's the week after he left and you stand in Wal-mart and listen to the person in front of you complain about how long the line is when you realize just how ignorant some people are. Living their lives so easily and complaining about shit that doesn't even matter. The second thing you realize is that all the friends who said they would be there, that they would help you through the 7 months - they don't stick around. You realize the third thing when you have friends who have a boyfriend or maybe even a husband who they like to complain a lot about, or brag a lot about. Well, either one during a deployment is like a knife slowly going through your stomach. When you miss your husband like I have for the past 5 months, little complaints about the garbage not being taken out just seem stupid. When you miss your husband like I do, you don't want to hear how great date night was last week. Simple as that. Any one of the ladies going this deployment right now will probably support me on that one. And last, you will definitely realize that the person you least expected to be good friends with, the person you least expected would be there to make things easier will be the one to trust. Thank you Natasha :] You're awesome. And I'm completely shocked at the treatment from previous "really good" friends, compared to knowing you for a week or two. Who would have thought huh? Oh and you're gonna be my neighbor in approximately 11 days. No big deal.

That's all I feel like writing tonight even though I could write a whole lot more.
Hope everyone has a great week! :]

P.S. We're almost to day 150!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

It's That Time of Year (Day 139)

No, I'm not talking about Fall. After growing up in Arizona I would be lying to you if I said I couldn't wait for the leaves to change, for the sweaters and scarves, and the cooler weather. Nor can I say I will be impatiently waiting for "Indian Summer" which my husband explained to me the other night.

This time last year my life changed. After weeks of my friend telling me I had to meet this guy, and me telling her "No, he looks like a total idiot/dork I don't want to meet this guy", I finally gave in and met him. I met him at the fine establishment of Buffalo Wild Wings. I was dressed very appropriately - short white shorts, black FMF strapless top, and purple bandana tied up in my hair. Oh and did I mention the road rash all over the side of my leg from crashing on a bicycle drunk in Havasu? Yeah, all true. Neither one of us had thought anything of each other really. A few days later was when he showed up at my friends house when I was a little more than hungover.

So September 15th was the day we met, and the 22nd was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. Even though neither one of us expected any of this to happen, we're both glad I said yes...

Now the moment we've all been waiting for (not really, but it sounds good)...mostly doing this for us to reminisce about, it may bore you. That's your warning.

Our Timeline

Day 1 - You woke me up at Johna's house. You said, "Hey do you have any extra blankets?" and I responded, "They're in the dryer". And you got really excited for some nice, clean, warm blankets and then found out there wasn't any in the dryer (I was drunk still and before I left my house my mom told me my blankets were in the dryer...). Then I responded by running to the bathroom every 5 minutes after that and vomitting. I nailed my second impression - it was so part of my plan.

Day 4 - You asked me to be your girlfriend, followed by asking me to be your date to the Marine Corps Ball. I was stoked babe.

Day 14 - Went to a family get-together and told everyone I was going to marry you. They tried to talk me out of it. You came to Arizona after being in the field for 2 weeks. I just knew you were the one...

Day 23 - Trip to San Diego, we had a BBQ at Barrientos' house. On the way there you said something and I very easily replied, "Awww I love you". We had never said I love you to each other. I blushed, covered my mouth, and gasped. You later gave me a hug and said, "I do love you too Britt."

Day 35 - One month together.

Day 42 - Marine Corps Ball. Good times babe.

Day 50 - I drove to San Diego to be with you for your 4 day weekend :] We ate gas station food and watched at least 100 movies.

Day 66 - 2 months together.

Day 96 - Trip to Ohio to meet your family. Oh - and to tell them we were getting a week.

Day 108 - I married you. With chronic bronchitis, and 5 hours of sleep in two weeks, in a strapless dress on December 30th 2009. December, in OHIO. Let's just say Ohio doesn't like native Arizona girls.

Day 118 - I packed up and moved to California.

Day 146 - Our reception in Arizona. Anyone who was there - picture Weikle on the dance floor around 9pm. Now, stop laughing :]

Day 158 - You left for the field for 1 month, and I thought I missed you then. (Slap myself for that one).

Day 187 - You came home from the field and I swear I fell even more in love with you. I was sitting in the apartment and wondering why it was 1830 and you weren't home yet...then I heard that heavy El Camino door slam...!? I took off running down the stairs and there you were. Dirty, tired looking, and damn sexy. I wanted to kiss you, but I kind of stood there and looked at you first like I didn't know you. I got the usual "Hey Weiner" and then an absolutely amazing kiss. I helped you carry your stuff up to the apartment and I felt like a little kid on Christmas morning. I'm not really sure how many times we made out that night, too many to count. I felt like I hadn't kissed you in forever. I didn't even know. But I am going to take a second and say, I sent you off with 3, yes 3, batches of brownies and told you, "Don't break my SnapWare". You came home and only 1 clip was broken off of a lid. Okay ladies, after a month in the field with the Marine Corps way of life, SnapWare held up amazing! I love love love SnapWare. They are scratched and look like they have seen some shit, but they still do their job.

Day 201 - Your parents came to California, beautiful weather, beach time, Hollywood and
Beverly Hills. This was your pre-deployment leave.

Day 204 - Vegas! With your parents.

Day 229 - You left for Afghanistan and I became half the person I used to be.

I love you babe, and I am soooo very thankful that I met you a year ago.

-Side Note: Hubby re-enlisted, Hubby is officially Sergeant, and we'll be in California til August/September of next year. Ohhh and about 2 months and the hubby will be in route on his way home.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Lack of Internet, Cali, and Then Some.

first, let me tell you i dont have internet right now except for the browser on my droid. this would be why i cannot capitalize or punctuate anything. i tried to wait and blog until the sixteenth when i got my internet set up but i just couldnt wait. so if you would like to bare with me on this, here it goes...

being in california feels great, it really does. there are some downfalls though. every homecoming sign, every freshly shaved head, every other car driving by with a marine in it...its like a knife going into my stomach. it makes me miss him even more than i did. who knew that was possible? not me. the sun starts to lower around five oclock and i can almost hear his el camino pull into the parking lot, that heavy, real metal door slams and his boots pound up the stairs...but its not him, its just the guy next door coming home to his wife. the smell of my coffee creamer in the morning, italian sweet creme, reminds me of waking up after he has already left for work. the closet should be full of his stuff but its not. not even close. stacks and stacks of woodland camis but no desert camis. those are with him, where i wish i could be. southwest airlines really needs to look into non stop flights from san diego, california to marjah, afghanistan. it would be a huge money maker, thats for sure. well, i think so.

there is quite a few things that i havent done for almost a week. one, i havent talked to my husband. this could be contributing to the emotional post about missing him so much. im just extremely worried about him, i know he is in a dangerous place. i know i shouldnt but i constantly check casualty reports to see where the action is. and after checking tonight, he is definitely where the action is. second, i havent worn pants in almost a week. i dont mean i have been wearing shorts...just not wearing anything. bachelor status much? i have been cooking for myself though, let me tell you, thats kind of a waste of time...

the new place is great, i love it. its missing the person that makes it complete, the person who makes me complete. i need him to leave his boots in the middle of the floor so i can trip on them in the middle of the night, i need his crunchy socks laying on the couch when i get up in the morning...i would love to watch him eat dinner in less than two minutes and i would love for him to laugh at my messy hair at five in the morning when im trying to cook an egg. ohhh the things i would give anything for right now...

i do have to say that i have great neighbors here. two guys that are roommates, one is in the army, the other in the air force. weird, i figured they would be marines. but nonetheless, very nice guys. i set my trash outside the door because it was dark and i was too afraid to take it out, i woke up to find one of them took it out for me on the way to work. so i made some brownies, who doesnt love brownies? and took them over to them. the only issue for me here right now is that i dont know where my mailbox is...think i could just wait three months until weikle gets home to check the mail? im seriously considering it.

off to bed. hope everyone has an awesome weekend. i would use an exclamation point but no, droid wont let me. six days until internet...ugh.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

125 days, 126th night.

Sometimes I look at the timer on this blog and think it's useless. It doesn't ever really matter what the number is, it doesn't matter how far we've come, because we still have so much longer to go. And you're probably thinking 2 and a half months is nothing...and you're right. 2 and a half months is nothing, but not when you have already gone 125 days. Not when I haven't looked at my husband since May 1st. Not when I have spent 125 nights laying in bed and wondering how he is, where he is, and if he's thinking about me too. It's hard to look at 2 and a half months and say that it's "nothing".

It's hard telling civilians what it's like to go through a deployment, they just don't understand.

Not many will ever know what it's like to only talk to their husband on the phone for a 7 month period.

Not many will ever know what it's like to run to the store to buy everything their husband asked for, squeeze it into a small flat rate box, find an old receipt to write "I loveeee you" on and fill out a customs form by memory. BEFORE 1700. Hate that the post office closes so early. They definitely need a 24 hour post office for military families - and they need to make it have a Filly-B's inside, am I right!?

Not many will know what their husband is thinking about when he thinks he is about to die.

Not many will have to ask their husbands what they would want from them if they did die.

And not many can say that after a 3 and a half minute conversation with their husband after 5 days of no contact, that they smiled all day long.

He is my best friend and it kills me not to talk to him. Something happens and I just wait anxiously for that phone call or email so I can tell him about it. When I'm sick, I have kidney stones, a headache, a fever... I just really need to hear from him and can't. When I have a bad day I rely on myself to get through it. It flat out, sucks. I want him, I need him, and I can't for another 80 something days? Yeah 80 something....ugh.

Weikle found out that he is going "out and about" again (he literally just got back from the last time). I am not very happy about where he is going but that doesn't really matter to the Marine Corps. He'll be gone quite a while between the two different places he is going. Here we are, the last stretch of the deployment and he is going to the worst place that he has gone so far - I. Do. Not. Like. This. I do know that he is really stoked to be going and he is doing really well. Let me rephrase that....he is doing as good as he possibly can without me :] haha. Ugh, I miss this handsome Marine of a man. Whatta stud.

But I'm asking everyone to keep him in their thoughts and help us get through the next 4 to 5 weeks. They are gonna be rough.

"Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding onto."

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Wake Me Up When September Ends

It's finally September, that in itself is worth celebrating. I'm moving in 2 days, that is definitely a reason to celebrate. As far as I know (haven't spoke to the husband in 4 days) he officially picked up Sergeant. Lots of reasons to celebrate!! I just really wish I would have talked to him the day he got promoted, tell him how happy I was for him. Hopefully he really got promoted? I don't know why he wouldn't have...but it's the Marine Corps - who knows right?

I do wish I could just sleep through this month though...once the celebrating is over it is just me, myself, and I. I will be very busy, like I have been the past couple weeks, but I still feel like September will just be a useless month. That month that you wish didn't exist because it's still too far away for that "small number countdown". Maybe I will invest in some good sleep aid medicine - probably not, but it sounds like a good plan.

The past few weeks have gone by sooo fast. This week has been crazy and it is only Wednesday. I have done a million things all by myself. I didn't realize how much work it was going to be to do all of this moving stuff. Last time I moved, Weikle had done all the paperwork, set up the electricity, set up water, trash, and sewage, and just got everything squared away. All I did was show up and move our stuff in, everything else was out of sight, out of mind. Well not this time.

In the past week I have:

Gotten new tires on my car. (My tires were really bad, should have checked them sooner, woops)

Finished furniture projects, bought a car cover for the El Camino....

Went and picked up the ottoman and my parents furniture from the furniture store.

Helped my parents set up their new bedroom furniture.

Got all the boxes loaded in the trailer for moving day.

Paid rent, got renters insurance, change of address, set up electricity, got water...

Packed my room up.

And I still have to:

Wash the El Camino and shine the rims, unhook battery and put car cover on.

Load furniture into trailer.

Do laundry.

Wash my car.

Load last minute boxes and items in my car.

Load TV in my car.

Clean the garage room where all my stuff has been being stored.

Shave my legs for the first time in 2 weeks...if there is time?

Yeah it's that bad. I'm exhausted, and can't wait to be done moving.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

It's Crunch Time (Day 121)

It's almost September, it's almost another month closer to him coming home. Of course time flies by when I have a lot to get done, but hey, I'm not complaining - I'll be late, behind, and in a crunch for the next 3 months if it means time going faster! I have 5 days until I leave for California and I'm so ready to be busy all week. Let's get to Day 150 already!

2 more days until Weikle is officially "Sergeant Weikle". I am soo stoked about this still, we've been waiting and waiting and now it's just 48 hours away. I know I have said it a million times but I am just so proud of my husband. He has worked his butt off to get where he is. I miss that about him, I miss seeing him so motivated - ready for anything and everything. It is such an admirable trait.

Weikle was stuck at a base for over a week waiting to be picked up and although he wasn't too happy about it, I definitely was. Not only was he a little more safe than he previously was but he had a lot of time to think. Time to think about me, the things he misses and overall think about us. I know he didn't want to have to sit and think about these things, he wanted to keep his head in the game. But let me tell you, after 118 days, I really needed to hear him say the things he had said. Without a doubt, we always say I love you at least twice before getting off the phone...I will always know he loves me. But after 4 months, I needed more. I needed more than just "I am doing alright...I love you...bye...". I never doubted that life would be amazing when he came home, I never doubted that time apart makes the heart grow fonder. But to get an email with a list of things he misses about our life together - completely indescribable. I laughed, I cried, and I read it over and over. It truly can't be described how good it felt to read that email.
Before I start getting emotional I am going to change the subject...Our ottoman came in this week and my dad and I went and picked it up yesterday. It's still in the packaging but here it is, absolutely amazing. I even think my husband agrees that we needed it now, imagine that. It looks white but it's technically "hazelnut" which is kind of an off-white creamy color. It is also big enough for a tiger to sleep on...I believe it measures 5 feet by 5 feet.

These are the before pictures of the hope chest I have been working on...with a little help from my dad - he is a life saver! A few hours in the garage, a few beers later (him), and a couple of small mistakes and you get this! I think I am most proud of this project, mostly because we had to do so much to it in order for it to be usable again. The top of it was one long lid and it was broken, the padding on the so-called cushion was horrible and it was pretty much falling apart on the bottom. Now it has new hardware, it's antiqued - hard to tell in the picture, and it now has two lift up lids with actual cushions on the top. The inside is cedar and it smells amazing. Can't wait to use it for storage (after it's been sitting outside for the past 3 years!).

I also have another smaller bench that I recovered with the same fabric, and a few other projects that I will post pictures of once I am in California. 5 days! Bring on the decorating, I have my game face on.
Hope everyone has a great week!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

116 days.

Feels good to type a three digit number every time I write a post now. It also feels good to know that we are almost 4 months into this deployment. I haven't written much because this deployment has sort of seemed like it is at a "stand still". I don't know how much more I can write about missing him without repeating myself and it is way too soon to talk about him coming home, sooo I'm sort of lost with what to say these days.

I can say that I have had a few interesting conversations with Weikle, and yes I said "interesting". Things I never thought we would talk about, things I never thought either one of us would ever have to tell each other about - and well it's been pretty funny and interesting.

We have also talked (for the millionth time) about when we first met, the day we got married, what we are going to do the day he gets home, what Christmas will be like, what the house is going to look like, where we will be moving...etc. It's funny how no matter how many times we talk about it I still smile and feel like it will never get old or boring.

I spent the weekend at my grandparents house scrapbooking our trip to Newport Beach and Disneyland. Soo much fun! Here are a few pics of what I did...

And I finally finished our dresser...well still a few minor things to do but overall it is done. Probably around 10 hours went into this baby, with heat advisory warnings the entire time. Soo I am pretty relieved that it is done. Before picture...After Pictures...

Friday, August 20, 2010

Exciting News (Day 112)

You see that? THAT will soon be my husband's rank; that's right...he's picking up sergeant! I was going to try and contain myself and not announce it until he "officially" picked up, but I am way too proud of him to keep it a secret. This man deserves this and I couldn't be more proud of him. So on September 1st, 2010 it will be official and he will also be reenlisting that day. His package went through and he will be reenlisting as a recruiter. We both will be enjoying him being home more often, no more field opps. every two weeks. I know that everyone is going to want to know what this means in terms of us moving...but unfortunately we will not know for awhile. He still has to come home and go to school and all that. But I do know that we could be sent anywhere or we could stay in California...who knows. But I am so excited for him, for us, and I wanted him to know I am so proud of him. The only downfall is that I can't be there to see him get promoted. Bummer. But I am hoping they take pictures so I can see.

I was in the hospital with kidney stones this week, that wasn't fun at all. It was nice to receive all of the husband's good news after being in so much pain, funny how that works! My furniture projects are coming along. I spent hours and hours sanding down are dresser to find out that it just isn't going to work. I am going to have to paint it and not sure if I want to paint it off-white. Maybe black...or light blue. Hmm maybe gray? Who knows.

I also started restoring my hope chest that my Mama bought me when I was 16. I opened it up and found the furniture tag still on it from whoever had originally purchased it. Guess where it's from? The great Louisville, Kentucky. Where Weikle's aunt and uncle live, and where Weikle wants to live when he is out of the Marine Corps. How weird is that?! I guess it really was meant to be.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The World is at My Feet

Although it doesn't feel like it at times (like most of this deployment) the world really is at my feet. I have the most amazing husband, an awesome family - including the new in-laws!, and so much more. I'm so excited to get back to California and start unpacking our lives and getting back to my "wife" routine. I've missed it terribly. And we are just past the halfway point of this deployment, that much closer to the homecoming day I am longing for. Our "home" is coming together, one project at a time. Overall, life is good. At times it is hard to be positive, I go into the "I want him home, I need him home..." mode a lot. It's easy to let my emotions take over but I'm striving to stay positive and look at the bigger picture. The last conversation I had with Weikle was so comforting and I have felt amazing since getting off the phone with him. I'm living off of his voice, his words (still wishing we could Skype...UGH). I can't help but think about what life will be like once he is home again. To look at him, to see his eyes...It sounds kind of creepy but just to see him "move" and not be still in a picture. Who would have thought I would want that so much? I can't even imagine the feeling of being in his arms, to have him kiss me, I tear up just thinking about it. It's funny, I used to kiss him every morning before he would leave for work and every time he walked out the door I would think, "What am I going to do for 7 months without that?". Now it is something I try not to think about. To know he hasn't touched me or looked me in the eyes for 109 days just kills me. It's amazing to think that we have communicated as well as we have for this long. I constantly hear him in my head, saying smart ass things, laughing at my jokes... That's love. To know that the only thing right in the world is when my phone rings with that weird 5 digit number...that is how I know the world is at my feet.

Friday, August 13, 2010

List, Picture, and a Conversation (Day 105)

Got this picture of my husband. First thing that came to mind was: Damn, that 5 o'clock shadow is sexy. Second thing that came to mind was: He's patrolling, that's dangerous, I do not like this. Then I went back to checkin him out, tell me this man isn't the definition of sexy? You can't!

I'm going to stop drooling over this picture sooner or later...I hope :]

And finally (after 11 days) I got to speak with my husband. We had one of the best conversations ever and it just felt amazing to hear his voice. We got to instant message each other for a little bit when we got off the phone and I wanted to share with you something he wrote me:
Me: Babeee I miss you so much its ridiculous.
Weikle: LOL I know trust me
At the check point I missed you
so bad for some reason.
(I was typing "Awww" and then received the following message)
Maybe because I thought we were gonna die hahha.

That's reassuring right? How many times have you heard your husband say that to you? Blows my mind how this man does what he does every day. It's amazing.

In other news...
This is my newest project. Ignore the wall quote and the green wall. I got a frame, painted the back of it off-white and then bought a 3 dollar stencil at Hobby Lobby and some blue paint and then just kept lining it up to look like one big pattern. I am planning on doing something with a clothespin and a large picture of Weikle and I in it...pretty sure I am going to hang it behind our bed.

This was kind of time consuming but pretty awesome to replicate things I have seen other places for a lot cheaper.

My list is looking shorter!

1. Stain dresser.

2. Recover huge leopard pillows with a more suitable fabric.

3. Finish the hanging "W" sign.

4. Make hanging rose balls. (Sounds weird but it's cool, trust me).

5. Paint two picture frames from Goodwill and attach ribbon to hang them.

6. Paint wooden tray from Goodwill.

7. Paint another picture frame from Goodwill.

8. Attach signs together with chain..

And just when you thought my husband couldn't get any better....
He gave me a shopping spree to Victoria's Secret as one of my birthday presents. This husband of mine needs to come home to me, because it doesn't matter where I lay my head tonight, when I'm in his arms - I'm home.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The List is Getting Shorter (Day 103)

I'm only half buried in projects now. As great as it is to get a bargain on all of this, it's not easy work! It does feel good to look at it when it's done and say, "I did that!?". I give myself a lot of credit and expect the husband to give me even more - I'm workin like a dog to turn this house into a home! Now if only I could get paid to do this... hmmm. I'll work on that.

So TA-DA! Here is the "new" bookcase. I kicked out the back of it - literally. Took my foot to it and it came right off. Spent hours sanding it. You really have to make sure all of the old stain is off of it so that the new stain goes on consistently and looks the same. That is the tricky part. It's hard to get into corners and such. And then applied three coats of Cherry Mahogany stain. Three coats with six hours in between...whew! It's not completely done yet, still have to coat it with polyurethane so that it protects it from watermarks, scratches, etc.

- You can see where I cut corners on this one (my husband would be calling me a PFC right now, low rank in the Corps). So I didn't stain the underneath of this, or the underneath of the shelves either. But no one is going to see them, right?

So this is going to be the nightstand for Weikle, no drawers because he doesn't really need them. So it was probably about 10 bucks at Goodwill. Not in very good condition. But I tightened up the legs with a screwdriver and sanded the whole thing down. I now officially hate sanding. But it is totally worth it when it's done. Because THIS is what it turns into! I couldn't help but paint the legs white... but he won and got the dark wood too. So we're even. This is stained the same color as the bookcase it just looks darker because it is in the shade. Hopefully the husband likes his new nightstand, because there will be NO MORE sanding and painting this thing!

Only 3,247 more projects to do. I'll type the list up and post it tomorrow, if I don't end up staying outside all day doing these projects.

And P.S. -- This is what you look like after staining furniture all day. Not pretty.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Buried in Projects (Day 102)

I was going to wait and post these tomorrow with my finished bookcase, but I couldn't wait. I had to show off my hard work to someone. I mean, its 110 outside and I was out there all day long, I need some credit here - even if it is just posting pictures on the Internet.

So I forgot to take a before picture of this mirror, horrible I know... but picture 1960 dark wood. Seriously, it was bought sometime in the 60's! Please ignore the rest of the crap around the mirror, I'm in the middle of moving and my room looks like a storage closet. Not great living conditions right now. But doesn't the mirror look great!?

This is part of the house warming gift I received from my friend Kelli, thanks again Kelli! The arrow part hangs on the wall and then I painted this "W" to hang from it, I just have to attach some chain to it. It will be a cute little sign when I'm done. She also got me a sign to hang from it that is Fall themed with a little turkey and pumpkins. Adorable.

This is a nightstand that my Mama got from Goodwill about a year ago. I don't think she paid more than $10 dollars for it.

And this is what it looks like after I got my hands on it. It's amazing what paint and new hardware can do! I sort of splurged on $7 for each glass knob. But overall, this is a $14 nightstand. And yes, it's white. The husband will have to deal with it because I'm not staining the nightstands, just the dresser and bookcase. Way to much work.

I decided I would share some of my tips when it comes to fixing up old furniture. Some of you may be experts (I'm definitely not) but some of you may want to know. So here it is.

1. Sand, sand, and sand some more. The more you sand, the better. Just don't sand away all of the wood!

2. Use an air compressor and blow off the furniture, then use lacquer thinner on a cloth to wipe off any thing left on the surface.

3. Use a roller, not a paintbrush. This is the difference between it looking good and great. Only use a paintbrush in the places a roller won't get.
4. Use the least amount of paint possible. Doing two or three coats looks better than one thick or two thick coats.

Bookcase will be posted tomorrow, it needs another coat of stain. Staining is very tricky, I'll let you know how to stain furniture once I figure it out! I will be scrubbing all night to get the stain off of my legs, it's not a good look for me.

What Did I Get Myself Into? (Day 101)

It's funny how my husband acts like he doesn't care about how I am decorating the house, or what projects I am doing...Yet, he seemed to care when I said our bedroom furniture would be white. He said it would look like a "little kids room" and I told him he is definitely picturing it all wrong. But he insisted our bedroom furniture be dark wood. Of course, like what every bachelor's furniture looks like right? I gave in and agreed to have dark furniture in our bedroom. This meant sanding and staining the "older" furniture we got from my parents, thanks Mama! So like I said yesterday, today I was sanding and staining. Like anything, it's a lot more work that I thought it would be! Wow. After two trips to Lowe's (loveee going there) I got everything I needed. So far, I have managed to sand most of it, and get stain all over my legs and feet. I look like I have some kind of weird skin disease, its horrible. Here is the before picture...

I had already taken the shelves out, but there are obviously two of them. I will post the "after" picture tomorrow. Hopefully? If I don't lose my hand sanding or cover my entire body in wood stain it should be up tomorrow.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Do You See That!?

The clock on the page now says DAY 100. Ahhh! There is some light at the end of this dark tunnel! Finally. Almost on the downhill slope of this deployment and it feels ridiculously good, let me tell you.

This downhill slope is good and bad. It's good because soon I will be standing there, holding a sign and welcoming him home. This is bad because all the projects I have planned for our "home" are no where near completed. Now I'm sure my warrior of a husband doesn't care if I get that bookcase stained or those pillows recovered, but I sure as hell do. So I have about 8,923 things to do in the next 100 days. But I will get them done, right? Right. I'm super wife and I can handle this.

This blog may turn into a home and garden blog for the next 3 months, my apologies.

My "projects" aren't what is making me feel overwhelmed. Moving is. It seems like I have so much more to move this time. I don't know if it is because I have some of his things now or if it is because I have bought things since I have been here. Most likely from buying things. But whichever it is, I now find myself in a moving mess. Most of my boxes consist of lotion, electronics, sweatshirts, and picture frames. All mixed into one box. Nothing is organized and it is driving me crazy. I have so much random stuff in my room and I can't group it all together because I need some of it out still. I don't even want to discuss the way things were packed when I was leaving California. I was an emotional wreck, he was never home, and I had so much to do in such little time. It's stressing me out just thinking about move-in day.

So here are some pictures of some things I got from my Mama for my birthday, and some projects I am working on. Keep in mind I do not have an amazing/expensive camera (Hint: Husband could think about getting me one for my birthday?). And I do not have a home to actually set these things up to show you how they look.

These signs are project number 2,319. I just want to use some chain to hook them together. Show you a picture of that when it's done, hopefully tomorrow or the next day.

This is a picture of my end table I painted, I tried to get a picture to show how it is "antiqued". Not sure if you can tell but it was worth a shot.Below is a picture of something I saw at Kelli's house and fell in love with. I thought I was going to have to order it online and then I found it at Michael's! You put whatever you want in the bottom and then a nice candle sits on the little shelf. So this is the before picture and later I will give you an after picture.
This shadow box is adorable and I love it. So far it has an email that Weikle sent me some time in May, our newspaper wedding announcement, and my garter. When he gets home I will be putting a letter that I sent him in it and the scrapbook calendar I sent with him. Totally cute.

And tomorrow I'll be sanding and staining a dresser, a bookcase, and a nightstand. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it. I'll have pictures up when they are done.

Have a good Monday everyone!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Here's to the Things I Do Remember (Day 97)

Here's to us babe. Here's to the times we've shared. Here's to the love we have. Here's to you coming home! Here's to making little Weikle's down the road. Here's to the next 70 amazing years I have with you Dallas Weikle.

I remember our first kiss. Like it was yesterday. Don't you? You caught me off guard and just laid it on me, hard. I wanted to kiss you again, and again. But I didn't. I had to be somewhat hard to get right? I had just met you hours before this, you weren't getting me that easy babe.

The Marine Corps Ball. Oh boy. You were in the field for the two weeks before the ball. In fact, you had just gotten out of the field the night before and drove to get me from the airport. There I stood (ok, I was pacing) waiting to see that bright red El Camino come around the corner. I hopped in and started kissing you all over your face. I was feeling the back of your head, it was just shaved that morning. Because I was kissing you so much, we almost got in an accident. Woops. Once we were at our table you were ordering Jack and Coke's by the doubles. Double fisting it. That's my man :] Before you know it, you were all over me and it was getting a little inappropriate. So we headed up to the room. It had been two weeks! What do you expect. So by the time we made it back down to the ball room, dinner was over, we didn't get pictures, and everyone was missing. But it's okay babe, I had you. All to myself.

The day we got our wedding rings. We weren't officially engaged, were we? No we weren't. But we were at the mall doing our wedding registries? Hmm weird. So we sat down and picked out rings and that was that. We got in the truck to go home and I said, "Ask me to marry you" and you said, "Ok, will you marry me?" and I believe I said, "Haha no shit".

Moving day. The first time. I pulled up to the apartment and their you were. White shirt, blue jeans and white Nike's. Yumm :] I was thinking that I was glad to have snagged you, and as I always say... "I locked it in". Haha. You were looking good babe, and thank god you were, because the apartment complex wasn't.

Reception night. 6 February 2010. But this story begins the morning after. When you were probably really excited that I loved you so much. Not only did I unwrap all of our wedding gifts and load them in the car myself, but I drove us back to California on 4 hours of sleep - while you were vomiting the entire way. I felt so bad for you. You couldn't hang with me babe, it's okay, no one ever expected you to. Like I told you before, the reception in Ohio, that's my turn to get shit-faced :]

Ok, this one may be inappropriate to write about - but I have to. It makes me laugh every time I think about it. We just got done in bed and you went to get up and I went to roll over, and all of the sudden you weren't there! You fell off the bed, actually, you flew off the bed. And you didn't even make a noise like "Oh shit I'm falling". Nope you took it like a man and fell silently haha. And you continue to blame me for the falling when we both know it was all you.

Week before you left. I believe maybe only a few hours before we had to be on base before you left? You had all your bags packed. Heavy and full obviously. And babe, I know you're picturing this in your head right now! Get that smile off your face :] I decided I could probably carry all of your bags like you do. I was wrong. Big pack on my back, day pack around my front, rolling one in my hand, and then the sea bag had to go on top of my head and be held with one hand. So you put it on my head, I grabbed it with one hand and was like, "YES! I have it!". Then I laughed a little, starting falling (while you just stared!) and all that weight took me down so fast. I hit the lamp, it fell into the TV, and then I was stuck upside down. Remember how hard you were laughing!? No sound was even coming out for about five minutes, and I was still upside down trying to stop laughing so I could breathe. Best moment we had before you left.

The day you left, well the night you left. It was freezing and the whole atmosphere was just cold and sad. I don't remember much, it all seemed like a big blur. 4 hours went by so quickly. I was tying bag identification tags on your stuff and you were at the armory getting your weapon. You were soo stoked when you came back with it. I could tell by the way you looked that you were ready and that the night was bittersweet for you. You wanted to go but you didn't want to leave me, I know that. So I held onto you, I didn't know what else to do. I thought if I just cried and held you that they wouldn't make you leave. I cried the entire time. I enjoyed you kissing my forehead more than you know. You looked me in the eyes and you gave me this speech:

"You're gonna be okay Britt. You'll write me and Motomail me and send me stuff okay? You're gonna be busy with school and you're gonna be okay."

Those words still seem so fresh in my head and I know you probably don't remember saying those things but you did. I replay those words over and over. I'm gonna be okay, you said so. And when your name was called I followed you and grabbed your turned around and kissed me 3 times. And you let go of my hand and stepped onto the bus. You took a window seat and I could see you. I walked up and tapped on the window, tears were pouring down my face. You were giving me smiles and shaking your head and mouthing "It's okay" and trying to make me laugh. I just wanted to cry but I was trying to smile for you. Trying to be tough, not "itty bitty" like you always say. And then the lights on the bus shut off and I was thinking, is that it? That's the last I will see his face? And then the first bus pulled away, the second bus followed, and then your bus. I stood there until I couldn't see the bus anymore.

I started walking, following all the other families back to our cars. Our cars that were a little more empty than when we came. I was hyperventilating, and I'm sure people were thinking I was being over dramatic. I wasn't. I felt my heart drop, I felt part of me taken away. It hurt so bad. Physically hurt. I unlocked the car, sat down and the seat was still far back from you driving. I screamed. The radio was on your station - Octane. I tried to leave the seat the way it was and drive but I couldn't reach the pedals. That was step one of changing things. We went back to the apartment, packed up last minute things and headed back to AZ. I threw up three times and never really said a word the entire drive. I could hardly keep my eyes open driving and I didn't even care to.

As hard as it was, as much as I have been through since you left, I would do it all over again for you. I would do anything you asked Weikle.

And you're right, I'm gonna be okay. Because of you.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Things I Can't Remember (Day 95)

Hang with me as I try to cover a few topics in one post. Business first, possibly tears second.

I am extremely thankful to have met someone here in Arizona (Kelli) that I can truly call a good friend. We had an awesome time today at Ikea (my first time!) and treated ourselves to a delicious lunch. We headed to Home Goods, and believe it or not, I walked out empty handed. This was step one to breaking my addiction people. She listened to me go on and on about my struggles and although she couldn't relate - it felt really good to know she cared and listened. So Kelli, thank you for today! Later I will post a picture of what she got me for a house warming gift that she totally didn't need to get, but I love it so I can't turn it down.

It's been 95 days ladies and gentlemen. And even though it is only 3 months, I'm realizing it's still a long time. I haven't kissed my husband in 3 months, I haven't even looked at him in 3 months. I underestimated this. Completely. Weikle had told me before he left that around the 3 month mark is when it gets tough, it's when feelings change and its when I won't feel like I love him as much as I did. I said, "No way, not happening". And I was right, I still love him and miss him just as much if not more than the day he left. BUT, I do have to agree that things have changed. And that is tough to say, very tough to say. I want to be honest with you all, tell you what it's really like to have the love of your life at war. It's not all good, it's not just this lovey-dovey fairytale deployment like everyone might think. So the whole reason for this blog is to share the ups and downs of being a Marine it goes.

I can't remember the feeling I would get when he would walk in the room, that feeling that made my knees weak is nothing more than a memory that I can't remember. I can write about it, tell you about it, but the truth is - I don't really remember.

It's becoming difficult to picture the expressions he made with his face when he would talk to me. You know, the important ones. The "I love you Britt", the "I'm gonna kick your ass". I can't picture those faces vividly anymore.

There was only so long I could go without washing his pillowcase, without washing the last shirt he wore. I had to suck it up, put them in the washer, and say goodbye to the little bit of him that was fresh. And now I can't remember what he smells like after working all day, that manly "I'll work as long as I live" smell. Sucha man.

It was maybe a few weeks of putting his camis on the floor of my bedroom to feel like he was still here that I realized he wasn't. So I packed them up. I can't get the feeling of taking off boots, washing dirty socks. The things I fell in love with. I not only loved every part of him but I loved every part of him that had to do with the Marine Corps. It's what made him who he is today. It's our life.

I don't remember the lines from The Office that he would laugh at; I used to know them by heart. He would say them with the character, and then laugh like he never watched the episode before. He had seen each one as least 25 times - not an exaggeration.

His hands. I don't know the roughness to smoothness ratio anymore. Who knows what they feel like right now. That drives me crazy. His hands were the biggest turn on to me. He would put his right hand on my thigh no matter where we were driving and squeeze it as he was talking to me (In a non-perverted way).

I forget the feeling of a fresh haircut. Once a week I got to feel that close shave on the back of his head and I loved it. That's what I loved about Sunday...

The honest truth is that I can't feel these feelings. It's not about remembering memories, it's about getting those feelings. The feeling of when I look into his eyes I know damn well he is thinking the same thing I am - life is amazing with you. I love my husband, he means the world to me. And that will never change. But not feeling the little things - not getting that blood rush to my head when he kisses me, not feeling super hot when he takes his shirt kills me.

The one person I count on isn't here. The phone calls are pretty much the same, week after week. Don't take this the wrong way, I love talking to him on the phone. But seriously, communicating only by a telephone for the past three months is just crazy. It's not enough for me. I need him, I need our life back. I need to look into his eyes and know everything about our world. I need the reassurance, the backup that he's here - in front of me. He has the smile I need at 6 in the morning, the warmth I need on a rainy day, the man I need forever. And the phone does not give this to me. The phone gives me delayed reactions, monotone conversations, and dropped calls. If our love wasn't so amazing, this deployment would be much easier. If he wasn't my best friend, this deployment would be much easier. I'm lucky to have found such a unique love, a man that is my ultimate, the man version of me. Without this man, I would not know these feelings that I miss. I would not be loved unconditionally every day.

-If everyone could please keep my husband in their thoughts and prayers I would really appreciate it. The next two weeks are going to get pretty rough for him. I know most of you have been and I can't thank you enough, seriously.