Thursday, July 29, 2010

Can You Say Sexy!? (Day 90)

Wow, the feeling a picture can give me...words can't describe. This is my husband and his friend (behind him) in the back of a Light Armored Vehicle. I never thought a picture could do so much for me. Look at him, he looks great! Part of me wishes that he needs me, but thank god he doesn't rely on me. I am going to say something selfish here - I wish I was able to Skype with him and not just receive a picture, but I am thankful to just get a picture. I am taking this picture to be my birthday present even though it is still two weeks away. I know he most likely will not be able to call because he will be "out and about" and there just isn't a reason for him to try to send me something.

Started packing things today, mostly just stuff I have bought for the apartment. 4 weeks until I am on the road back to Cali. It's coming up quick. I have a lot to do and quite a few people I want to see before I leave. Once I am gone, not sure when I will be back or where we will be getting stationed.

Hope ya'll liked the picture as much as I did, and hope everyone has a great weekend :]

Monday, July 26, 2010

One Hell of a Ride (Day 87)

In the past few days there have been moments that weren't great, I was a complete mess. Late at night mostly. Emotions have been creeping there way in and I wouldn't say I am as bad as the first few days after he left, but damn close. Like my friend Tiff said, "Shit gets hard". And it's definitely hard right now. No real reason for it but maybe it has to do with being far enough into the deployment that I am forgetting what it's like to be held, to be kissed - and too far away to have it back. It's like Wednesday every day, too far from the previous weekend, not close enough to the coming weekend. It sucks. I just miss him so much, I miss our life. It's not even that I just miss him, I am so worried about him. So worried. I want him safe, in my sights, in my arms. I cry just thinking about him being safe, to know that no one wants him dead. I would give anything to bring him home right now. I'm scared for him, for us. I have been mostly positive since he left so I am trying to keep being positive. Don't think I am negative or giving up - it's just a rough patch I am going through. I can't expect to not have any meltdowns, in fact, I knew I would be going through one eventually. I can handle this and so can he. He's a Marine, he knows what he is doing. I'm just me, and even though I don't know what I'm doing I will act like I do.

Onto lighter, more happier news. I did some furniture shopping over the weekend. Total success. I bought an ottoman. Not just any ottoman, an extremely large one. Not in the color pictured below though; it's antique white and it is suede not corduroy. I talked the hubby into letting me buy this, and he better like it when he gets home or I am in big trouble :]

This will also be my bed for 2-3 months before he comes home. I don't want to pick out a mattress without him so it is just me and the couch for awhile. I don't mind though, I don't like the feeling of an empty bed anyhow. I mean, right now I am sleeping on a twin bed for that reason so a couch will be about the same. Tell me this thing isn't going to be awesome!

A couple weeks ago I bought two end tables at HomeGoods for $50. They were off-white and really cute, the problem was that they weren't wood. Well this weekend my Mom and I went into Goodwill as a last minute place to look; knowing that I wanted old furniture to fix up the way I wanted. We found two end tables that matched, we thought they were 12.99 a piece, but they ended up being 12.99 for both! What a deal. So today I am sanding them down so I can get ready to paint them. I turn the table over to sand the underneath parts and saw names burned into the wood and was thinking "Who puts their name on end tables?". Well I read the name and it said Ethan Allen. So there you have it, Ethan Allen end tables for the big cost of 13 bucks. That is why they were made with such nice wood and heavy glass. So here are the before and after pictures of my end tables! :] The first is before, the second is after.

And you can't really tell in the picture, but it is antiqued now. Ralph Lauren makes a glaze that you can buy in whatever color you want to antique your walls, furniture, etc.

Well the husband said that all we have really talked about the past week is furniture, and I said "That's all I've got at the moment".... just me and my furniture/decorating projects. So like I told him, this is all I have to talk about.

And this is me, sucking it up and making it through the next 130 days or so. This is me, deciding I won't be wearing make-up unless I am going somewhere important. And this is me, trying to keep up my figure for the hubbs - P90x is amazing.

Time for my workout and then watching movies til I can no longer keep my eyes open. Have an amazing week everyone!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

83 days.

Only 17 more days until we reach 100. Well, I'm counting down the hours til that lovely day - trust me. A hundred just makes it seem official-er; three digit numbers are going to be legit.
I know I have been almost non-stop blogging, not sure if what I even write about now is even interesting? But hey, I am alone most of the time, bored almost all of the time, and worried ALL of the time. Not being in school, no work, no vacations left, nothing. I have hit a plateau ______.

And if not having anything to do sounds nice, it's not. Not when my husband isn't here. I used to do nothing but be a housewife when he was here, but at least I could look forward to him coming home in the evening. Now I am waiting a long time for him to come home, obviously. So if I am over-blogging, I apologize.

Issue Number One: car insurance. I had called our insurance company back in early June and put the hubbs truck in storage. It is just sitting here and no need to pay for the insurance. Well when I got the bill for June I thought it was a little high for one of the vehicles being in storage but figured the quote had just gone up. Then I get this bill for July and it was even more. OK. Time to call State Farm. Somehow (hate this) the policy had changed back to the truck not being in storage almost immediately after I called to put it in storage. How irritating. So I thought they would use the money I have been over-paying to form a "credit" on the account. Nope. They won't. So while the hubbs is at war, I can't even handle keeping the damn truck in storage. Feeling pretty independent these days.

Issue Number Two: My Blackberry is useless. You're probably thinking - DUH. Well I have had this phone for almost two years now so it is almost time for an upgrade. It doesn't upgrade until November which is very inconvenient considering the hubbs is 8,000 miles away and it's pretty important to be able to email/talk to him. Does Verizon believe that is important? Of course not. Idiots. I am blow-drying my hair when my phone goes off and it's an email from the hubby. I hurry up and jump online to chat with him on Yahoo. I get on and I am surprised to see that he isn't on. Did he already get off? Did I miss my babe? I click on the email he sent, it was dated yesterday at 1645 my time. Wow Blackberry, you're giving me messages from 17 hours ago now? You. Are. Useless.

And in case you aren't is still April 2010 and Weikle hasn't left yet. Maybe it's time to re-do my whiteboard calendar? I have been holding onto it because it still has the Mr's handwriting on it and the day he left written on it (circled day). It also has the "I heart Weikle" that I wrote on it for when he came home during the week before he left. I am currently using it to count down the days until I move. But maybe it's time to update it...we'll see.

Going to the Diamondbacks vs. Giants game tonight, me and the fam have 3rd base box tickets which apparently are amazing seats (135 dollars each ticket). Not a huge fan of baseball but I have nothing else to do, so why not? I guess we will be right down by the field so look for us on TV :]

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

(Stupid-Low-Number Day)

Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow. Does it make a difference? No. I'm extremely frustrated on the inside, my anxiety has kicked in full force today. I don't have enough time to do things, then I have way to much time to do things. All I have is time, and this blog. I'm disappointed that I still have 40 or so days before I move back to Cali. And I got to thinking...although I am super stoked to get moved into my new apartment it doesn't change the fact that he won't be there with me. My brain seems to think that if I go back to California things will be the way they used to be, Errr---wrong. I can't say that I don't want to move there, I definitely do, but I'm in denial. Once I get there I will have tons to do and be completely happy to have my own space. BUT, that bed will still be empty, I'll still be cooking for one, and no one needs their lunch packed or breakfast made. Blah. I know I am just bitching right now, sorry.

Finally got to speak with my husband. Unfortunately, under the circumstances he was in, he has ant bites all over his body now. Other than that, the sand box is treating him well. Hopefully when he gets back to where he is originally supposed to be he will have 3 of my packages waiting for him. It seems like the longer he is gone the more I need/want to talk to him. Like 15 to 30 minutes every week is just not enough. We have talked more often than that before but now that he is out and about, it has slowed. We get off the phone and I feel like I need to talk to him again - I neeeed more of him. We talked about things I have bought for the house, things he has been doing while "out and about". He was very talkative and was pretty stoked to tell me all the things he has done. It was nice to hear the excitement in his voice and get some emotion out of him. Almost three months down so of course were missing some things like crazy, like umm "it". Soo we talked a lot about what that will be like when he comes home and just how damn attractive we both are and how much we need one another (haha). Sorry for the TMI's in the lives of the Weikle's.
I'm just really hoping that we can Skype, even once. It might not be great for him because I will most likely be crying the majority of the time. It might not even be a good thing to Skype with him at all. I mean, won't that make me want to Skype with him again? And if he's gone and we can't, I will be bummed out. Skype is like the ice cream I shouldn't eat, because if I do I know I will want some tomorrow too. I reallllly want too though. To look at him, to see those green eyes and great bone structure...his hair, I always loved feeling the back of his head after his haircut. I miss that just-shaved feeling. I can't imagine looking at him, seeing him sitting there while I am sitting here. I want to look him in the eyes and tell him how much I love and need him, and I want to watch him say it back. Just once would do. His face, after it hasn't been shaved in awhile, that is what I want to see. I want to smell his smell, the way he smelt after a long day at work. The way he smelt after a shower, every time I smell Old Spice I remember washing his back for him. And I can't smell him or feel him but I am dying to see him, literally dying. It's too bad I couldn't record our conversation so I could watch it whenever I needed too. Well, who knows. I shouldn't be daydreaming about this, don't know when/if it is going to happen anytime soon.

Ab workout and then movie time. It's going to be a late night.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Testing, 1..2..3..

Just testing my new background and new signature (I made the sig myself) not to brag or anything.... It isn't working like I want it to but I can feel a migraine coming on and need to hit the sheets! Real post tomorrow.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Confirmed Kill (Day 78)

Yes babe, I killed something, you're not the only one. I was trying on a pair of heels and looking at them in the mirror, I saw something that looked like it was crawling on the floor but I looked and didn't see anything. I sat down on the floor to take the heels off and BAM there it was - scorpion! Being the bad ass that I am, I took off the heel and murdered it with it. That scorpion didn't have a chance against a 5 inch heel. As I was crawling into bed I started thinking....what else could be under my bed? Ewww. Spiders? Snakes? Who knows. There are sooo many pairs of shoes and bags of stuff I have bought for the house that I have no idea what could be under there. Guess that heel is staying right next to my pillow - just in case.

Haven't spoken to the hubby in awhile, starting to worry even though I shouldn't. Last I heard he was somewhere new and had an ear infection. He was trying to go to medical to get something to clear it up, sure hope he did. I feel helpless when something is wrong and I can't do anything about it. I miss him so much tonight, probably because we haven't spoken in awhile. I am hoping he gets ahold of me soon, my stomach can't handle all of these butterflies. Also, found out today that it may be possible for him to Skype with me once he is back where he is supposed to be and all. Just downloaded it on my computer. I hope it's Skype that they use? I didn't think about asking what program it is or how it even works. Hmm, we will see. Sending him another package on Monday, this one includes new headphones and two hallmark cards. Maybe some gas station items too.

Went shopping today with my mama. Got some random things for the apartment; sheets, cheese grater, centerpiece, end tables for the living room.... of course I got great deals because that's who I am - bargain shopper. Can't go into detail until after I talk to Weikle and tell him about this stuff first.

Off to bed, hopefully sleep comes easy.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Seventy Five Days Since

I was really, truly, happy. I never knew I could be such a great person and feel happy almost 100% of the time until I met Weikle. I will swear up and down that this man completes me. Him not being here just tears me apart more and more each day. The amazing thing is that just his voice, that Ohio manly voice, can turn my day from good to bad. When that phone rings my heart throbs and I get butterflies in my stomach. It's as if I can't believe he is calling. I jump out of the shower, I park the car, I run across the house, anything I can to grab that phone before it goes to voicemail. In 75 days I have missed ONE phone call. Yep one. I'd say that is some kind of record.
At Balboa on the phone with Weikle

I was remembering today the morning after we got married. We were checked into a hotel in Bellville, Ohio. It was snowing, freezing outside, and of course we were both ecstatic. I had bronchitis, horrible bronchitis and I had been coughing up blood on his pillow all night and we each probably got 3 hours of sleep. Poor guy. I think he got up to make me hot tea and get me a cold rag at least ten times. He has been allergic to perfumes/dyes/colognes since right before I met him. We think it has to do with too many immunizations from the corps. Anyway, the hotel sheets apparently had been washed in scented detergent and he was covered in hives. His lip had decided to swell to twice its normal size also. We were a mess... Weikle told me that he was going to drive me to the hospital because I wasn't doing good. When we got there we checked in and were walking away when the lady at the desk saw his lip, she asked if he needed to be seen too and we both started cracking up. Here we were, honeymoon morning, in the hospital and both feeling like hell. The term "in sickness and in health" was well used. I was talking to him trying to keep his mind off itching and he is helping me stop coughing and helping me throw up. Two man team and absolutely perfect for one another. I would rather speak with him once a week, once a month, for the rest of my life than to never be with him. He is the voice I want to hear some day when I'm 90, the wooden rockin chair I want rockin right beside me....

Monday, July 12, 2010

Day 73 (Ughhh)

Disneyland isn't as cool as I remember it being, maybe it's because I'm not 5 anymore? Yeah that's definitely it. It was fun, great to be with the family but I don't think it is "the happiest place in the world". In fact, I think the slogan should say "the craziest, dirtiest (is that a word?) place in the world". The germs just creep me out. Some of the rides were great but I am sure California Adventure will be better.

So it has been 73 days ladies and gentlemen. Wishing I could just throw a one in front of the 73 but I don't have the power to change time, or the power to do anything really. What a bummer. I can't believe I am doing this deployment thing, at times I feel like it's not real, like I could just bring him home when I want to or call him when I need to talk. But no. It's completely real and I'm going stir crazy counting down these days. My math skills are improving, that's a plus. I feel very repetitive when I write about this but it's the elephant in my head. I can't NOT miss him. It's all I think about and it's all I feel.

The upside to this "gloominess" is that we are almost halfway through July, halfway to a new month and higher numbers.

Off to the pool for some relaxation...

Friday, July 9, 2010

The West, West Coast (Day 70)

Here in Newport. Man, it's amazing. Trying not to miss the Mr. to much but what can I say...I miss him. I wish he was here to experience this with me. To see everything, to be in this awesome condo...he would love it. Don't get me wrong, this is going to be a blast but without him I just feel guilty and wish he were here.

The bed feels especially empty. Why do some nights seem worse than others? It's not because I am in a condo, not because I am not in my own bed. Where is my own bed? Where is home? Home is where I make it, and right now - I haven't made it anywhere. My parents house is my old home, it's not the same. My friends house actually did begin to feel like home. It was nice having someone around, someone who was doing the same thing everyday. I won't have a home until September. So until then, I feel like every bed gets more and more empty and I feel like the more time that goes by the less I can remember of how things were. I try to look at pictures and when we talk I try to bring back memories. It feels so good to talk about things we used to do together, I can't even explain how good it feels. So maybe tonight I am having a bad night and just feeling gloomy. Whatever, it's expected right? Well it has been 70 days since I last saw the hubby in the flesh, 70 days since I felt him, and 70 days since I have felt normal. I'll be fine when I wake up I'm sure; off to dreamland and hoping to see him.

I love you babe. Forever and Ever, Amennn right?
Your the one I'd lay down my own life for, and your
everything I've ever wanted, everything I neeeed,
I talk about you I go on and on and on. Because you're
everything to me....

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Day 69

One day short of 70, a bunch of days short of him coming home. 70 days seems okay, not too long now and I will be telling you we are at the "halfway point" to that magical day...don't know what day that will be but I sort of have an idea. So in honor of the almost 70th day I will recap all I have done since he has left and how things (in my head) have changed.

May...what did I even do in May? Absolutely nothing. Not kidding. I hardly got out of bed, I spent the majority of the day wandering around wondering what to do with myself. I used half the bottle of his cologne, never took off his t-shirt, and filled my room with all of his things. It was almost creepy. In fact, I still have his gallon of Razor Water...Marine Corps water and the motto is: Cuts through thirst! I spent May trying to figure out my place in the world without the hubby around, trying to get used to not being the "housewife". I didn't like this at all. You may recall me complaining a lot, and wanting to clean a lot. My head was full of sadness and I constantly felt confused. I was definitely missing my best friend. I know, I know, kind of annoying. I did however, pay off all of our bills and manage to get some things taken care of.

June...this was the month I was waiting for when it was May. School started on the first and I was extremely happy to be doing something. It got tough, the 4 week courses were difficult. But, I made it through and received my final grades today. Like I said before, I got a B in English and I found out I got an A in History. Now that it is over, I feel very accomplished. I bought our furniture, started buying things to decorate with and got very excited to come to Cali for two weeks. I met some pretty amazing people in June and overall, the month went by pretty fast. I didn't have much time to be in my head, but whenever I did have time, the sadness creeped in. I did wish that Weikle could be home to see how good I was doing, to be proud of me.

July...finally we are in the month of July. Started off with July 1st and the hubby's two week paycheck. The checks that include combat pay, like a few hundred dollars is worth my husband risking his life? Ok, to him it is. But to me, I worry and I don't give a shit about the money. July 4th was spent at San Juan Capistrano Park, an event where the hubby's battalion was raising money for the Marine Corps Ball this year. It was fun, there wasn't much to do because neither me or my friend have kids, she will soon though. She is about 7 weeks away from bringing little Erik into the world. The rest of the time I have been in Cali we have been shopping, sleeping, and eating. When I brought the power of attorney to the apartment complex I was almost completely sure that they were not going to let me sign a lease for Weikle. They spent about 20 minutes looking through it to find something that said I could sign a lease. Well, when Weikle and I were signing and filling out the power of attorney before he left I remember telling him to sign a particular box (He didn't give me a General Power of Attorney because we didn't need it). Anyway, the box said to accept military quarters on his behalf and he said "Why do I need to sign that? You aren't going to get base housing?" and I said, "Just sign it". If it wasn't for that one box being signed, I would not have been able to get the apartment. Once again, I was right. In your face babe! I was right! Ok so not that big of a deal, just tooting my own horn because it makes me feel good. So, California has been very successful. I got the apartment, got my oil changed on base, bought Disneyland tickets for this coming week, got the license plates for my car, and managed to have a good time and relax. July has been a great month and we are only 8 days in, let's hope the next 22 are good too. I feel as though the days are getting harder, even though I am not sad. The days just feel never ending and meaningless. I miss you babe, and life just isn't life without you here. It's actually not even half as good, not even a little bit good, it just sucks. Just keep on keepin on right?

In birthday! The hubbs will be missing it, but it's not that great anyway. Just a birthday. I will have somewhere around 60 more that he can be home for before I die, he can miss this one. Hoping I will at least get a phone call from him so he can tell me how much he loves me... Baby Erik will be born sometime at the end of August and I am hoping to make it back to Cali to be here for her when she delivers. The halfway point should be sometime during this month.

September.... Of course this month will be awesome, I will be on my way to Cali and moving in. Time to decorate, help my friend decorate and hopefully get everything squared away before the men come home. Better to be prepared early, in this case, quite a bit early. This month is also the month me and the hubbs met. September 22, 2009 was the day my life made a complete 180. Hard to believe that it has almost been a year.

October... the 4th will be my parent 25th wedding anniversary so I will probably be making a trip down to Arizona to celebrate with them. Not much else going on in October except counting down the days.

November-December....Somewhere in here I should be standing in the parking lot holding a sign and welcoming home my babe. Ughhh, so exciting yet so depressing right now. Seems like its forever away.

Off to Newport Beach in the morning! Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Day 67 (Timer on page is slow!)

Californiaaaa is awesome, actually, it is indescribable. I'M HOME. Now all I need is my apartment back and the person who makes it dirty :] Is that a lot to ask?

I went apartment hunting on Saturday. The first place I saw was beautiful but the apartment seemed pretty small; it would have been a good apartment for me because I am tiny and everything was made for little people, but Weikle is bigger and likes more space. When he was still here we had went to In-n-Out and I noticed an apartment complex up the road, I told him I was going to have to check it out when I came back looking. Well, it just so happens that it was perfect and if everything goes good my move-in date is September 4th. I feel like screaming I am so excited. The place is beautiful and I just know it will be perfect. The complex has a fitness center, heated pool/jacuzzi, basketball court, and tennis court. The apartment has granite counter tops in the kitchen and bath, all new appliances, a pantry in the kitchen, and full size washer/dryer in a laundry room. The biggest reason I want it is because it is close for Weikle to get to work and it is right next to grocery shopping and restaurants. Let's hope today goes smoothly and I get this place!

Weikle is pleased with everything I have been doing, he says he is proud. He said he is very hot and tired; he said he is ready to come home now and be with me in the apartment. I said I know but we aren't too far away from the halfway point now, and before he knows it we will reach the 3 month mark (funny how I can say this to him but I don't even believe it myself!). It feels like it has been a lot more than 67 days, a lot more. I make sure and think about kissing him because I don't want to forget what it felt like. I remember our first kiss, he caught me off guard and I was blown away. At first I was thinking, "Does he just kiss girls like that all the time?" haha and then I realized he didn't. I used to always tell him when he would come home from work "Kiss me really good like the first time" and he would kiss me and I would feel everything all over again. It didn't matter how he kissed me, it did and always will feel that amazing.

Keep Weikle in your thoughts, I know what he is doing right now and I need all the prayers I can get. Just tell God you want Weikle to have fun, a lot of fun, but you also want him to watch his ass and be careful.

I will try to blog one more time before I head to Newport Beach on Friday, have a good week!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Day 62 (Life Continued)

Well, unfortunately life doesn't just stop when you're having problems. Nope, it's like it purposely speeds up to challenge you some more, and just when you think you're getting things under control, something else happens.

I ended up with an 86% in my English class; this is a good grade but I'm disappointed, I promised the hubby an A and I promised myself an A. I gave it my all, and my all just wasn't good enough this time. And I will say that it was tough, it was tough focusing on English when the hubbs is at war. Just didn't seem important most days and I found myself daydreaming about him coming home. But English class didn't care that my husband is in Afghanistan and sadly, life doesn't care either. Life just rolls on by while I am stuck in my own little world. As long as it keeps rolling on by quickly I don't care. Just give me my best friend back...

My dad is back in the hospital for the 3rd time now in the past 3 weeks. Not sure what exactly is going on. My poor mom, countless hours in the hospital with him, continues to work, and taking care of things at home. Life is making its appearance in our family big time right now.

Not sure if I will for sure be going to Cali in the morning, because of my dads situation now. We will see. Not looking forward to the 5 hour drive, but I am looking forward to feeling like I am home again, California makes me feel closer to Weikle. Everything there reminds me of the times we had, loveeeee it :] Can't wait to get there and surround myself with beaches and friends. Hopefully my mood changes and I get some good ole'relaxation, endorphins need to fill my entire body so I can make it through the next 8 weeks. Moving back to Cali in September, can you say amazing?

Gotta go wash the car now, following the hubby's rules still!