Monday, May 31, 2010

Lots to Blog About [Day 31]

Business first --Today is Memorial Day.

I would like to take this time to thank my husband, all of our friends, and everyone else that is currently serving or has served our wonderful country. Thank you.

Side note for my husband:

You know how much I am in love with you. I think you also know that even if I wasn't in love with you, I would still love you for the person that you are. I absolutely hate that you are gone. But I think I tell you too often how much I miss you and hate that you are away and don't tell you enough how much I appreciate what you do. I am so proud of you and so honored to be your wife. When people ask me how you are doing I cannot help but get a huge smile on my face and feel an overwhelming amount of pride come about me. I love what you do and love the Marine that you are.



Now onto telling you about the fun and event filled weekend I had.

Friday I got to Cali and went out to dinner with my friend Jovy. She is 6 months pregnant and absolutely adorable! We went out shopping to walk off the food we just ate and didn't see much worth buying. Saturday morning we woke up early and got ready for the Military Wives Appreciation Luncheon. We went out to breakfast at Denny's and then went shopping (yes, again haha). We had quite a bit of time before the luncheon started so we went into Hallmark to look at "missing you" cards. We ended up laughing a whole lot when we started reading humorous cards. I bought two cards -one lovey dovey card and a funny one. I am putting them in the mail tomorrow.



The luncheon was absolutely gorgeous. It was at a church (feel bad because I cannot remember the name of it) and the women that put this on for us were amazing. The time and money that they put into it for us wives was unbelievable. These women were crying because of how honored they felt to have us in their church. Man, did I feel appreciated. They gave speeches, most of which made me cry, and just overall made us feel appreciated. We all won baskets and gift cards, and they had all sorts of stuff for the women who were pregnant or had infants at home. The picture below is what our table looked like, every table had a different theme to it. All of the tables had china, and at the end of the luncheon one of the wives won a full set that was at a table. How awesome is that!

After the luncheon we went down to La Jolla Beach and soaked up the sun for a few hours. It was very relaxing and I had a great time. We grabbed smoothies and headed over to her friends house to watch the UFC fight with a bunch of Marines. I left early Sunday morning (0600) and headed back to AZ. Then I went to a BBQ over at my god parents house. Overall, a very busy and fun weekend. I have been exhausted all day and trying to recuperate for school in the morning. Today was one of those tough days for me, actually the weekend was kind of a tough one for me. Being in Cali and seeing all the places that I have so many memories with Weikle at was hard. Going on base and knowing he wasn't going to be there was a really weird feeling. I miss him terribly and cannot wait for his return. Being in Cali was definitely not the same without him with me. I do have to say that it did feel good to be there though, to be around Marines and military spouses again. Not that I have or will have a bunch of them as friends, it just felt good to be surrounded by people who know the lifestyle, who have the same love/hate relationship with the Marine Corps as I do. To see the USMC pride everywhere again, to feel it around me....it felt good. I felt at home again, like maybe he was coming home soon.

I wanted to share this poem with you all, it was on our tables at the luncheon.

THE SILENT HERO

She wakes very early, he's leaving today.

She will stand tall and proud as he is walking away.

He glances back warmly at his children and wife, knowing they will bravely carry on their life.

Her strength and her courage only one understands.

He is walking away with her heart in his hands.

For he knows that without it he would be lost, but they both know that freedom comes at a cost.

She walks away holding her children so close, swallowing tears for the one she loves most.

This quiet hero does not walk into wars, she soldiers on behind her closed front door.

She will move through life with the wind at her back, determined to keep her family on track.

Her tears will fall in silence while she lies in her bed.

Her fear is right there but nothing is said.

She will ask that no medals be pinned to her chest, her husband's safe return will be her only request.

Few understand her commitment and her life.

She is the quiet hero.

The Brave Military Wife.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Package Arrival (Day 24)

I heard from Weikle today, and I am a very happy girl to say the least because he got the first package I sent him! This was amazing to hear. It's like part of me arrived in the box I sent him... I was happy to hear that the guys are loving the fly swatters I sent. I have to admit they were pretty awesome, black and bigger than the average fly swatter, they were called Super Swatters (haha) and very manly if I do say so myself. I had sent him his old pair of boots and he said he put them on almost immediately. This was such a relief for me; I feel as though I took care of him today. I sent him his hair clippers and mosquito spray today. The lady at the post office made this comment to me, "He can't deal with a few bugs?" and I said, "Anything to make his days just a little better, even if it is only getting rid of a 'few' bugs". Come on lady, your working in a post office and making comments about what my husband wants while he is in Afghanistan?
I'm sure you complain about your 8 hour shift, he doesn't complain about his 16 hour one. Bite me.

I realized today that I really just want to see Weikle's face. Even if just a picture. I didn't realize before that it would be 215 or so days before I actually saw his face. I can send him pictures but I don't think I will be seeing pictures of him there until he comes home. It just blows my mind. What an awesome bond to have with someone though, to not see each other for 7 months, to hardly talk to each other in that 7 months, and to have no doubts that when he steps off that bus it will be like he never even left. Could I ask for anything better than that? I have a better relationship with my husband who is thousands of miles away than most people have with someone they see everyday. It is an absolutely amazing feeling.

I was going to sleep before I started writing this and then realized I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. Partly because my bed seems empty tonight, more empty than usual. And secondly because I feel like I may be getting sick. UGH. I have a scratchy throat and just feel BLAH. I really hope this goes away.

I'm going to go back to trying to fall asleep now, and back to waiting to hear from him again :]
Let's all pray that this week flies by! School starts next Tuesday, yay!

"The Marine Corps has just been called by the
New York Times, 'The elite of this country.'
I think it is the elite of the world."
--Admiral William Halsey, U.S. Navy

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Day 23


I absolutely love this man right here. 10% of the deployment is done. Doesn't sound to bad when you look at it like that does it?

Well p90x really kicked my butt last night, I was rubbing icy hot on my back before bed. That shows how out of shape I am.... Tonight will be interesting to say the least haha. I really have to work hard this week because I will be gone Friday and Saturday. Going to Cali to take care of a few things and have some fun with a friend over there.

Tomorrow I will be attempting to find a job, finally. Not sure I exactly want one, nor do I exactly need one, but if it helps time go by faster than I am all for it. I will be sending another package tomorrow, the hubby asked for hair clippers (he said they have a pair that needs replacing), and mosquito spray. So I will be doing that tomorrow as well. I will be buying Slim Fast and fruit to eat for breakfast for when I start going to school. So excited for my english and history classes.

I am sort of at a loss for words tonight, sorry for the short post. I will make up for it next time.

Hope everyone has a good start to the week tomorrow!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Randomness [Day 21]

I have been at a loss for words the past couple of days, not sure why. Every time I have sat
down to write, I feel as though I have nothing to say....

I finally got P90x and tomorrow I will be doing Day 1 of 90 days, but actually I am going to do 180 days total. Weikle is going to be so proud of me, I can't wait! I absolutely love working out and eating right, so this is a fairly easy challenge for me. Weikle and I are both strong willed people who never start something we aren't going to finish.

I spent some time catching up with old friends this week, got a pretty nice tan too! Overall, it was a much needed get together. I also went and watched my cousin graduate 8th grade. I was sitting there remembering what I wore to my 8th grade graduation and how I did my hair, but I couldn't remember anything else about that night. Imagine that! We had a nice dinner with quite a few members of the family these week too, to celebrate her graduating. Surprisingly, this week went fast.

Going to California next weekend for a Military Spouse Appreciation Luncheon, going to stay with a good friend of mine who's husband is also deployed. Excited to go back to Cali and feel like I am home again, even if it is a temporary feeling.

I have felt very irritated lately. I am so sick of hearing people complain about things that aren't things to complain about. I am tired of people not caring about other people. It is ridiculous how many American values and morals don't exist at all anymore. I hate all the petty bullshit. I hate the simple things that people make so complicated and into drama. It was so nice just knowing that everyday I had my husband, my home, and everything I needed. I am so glad that I have the things that so many people want. I have an absolutely amazing husband. 1st year of marriage and we will have only spent 4 months together. I have no doubt that even 35 years from now we will love and trust each other even more than we do now. I am so blessed and so lucky to have what I have, know the things I know, and be who I am being. I don't have to explain or prove this to anyone. We know first hand how amazing our lives are.

It's time for me to go to bed. I wish that I had someone to pack a lunch for, make breakfast for, and kiss in the morning.


Dear Lord,
Give me the greatness of heart to see,
the difference between his duty and his love for me.
Give me the understanding so I may know,
that when duty calls he must go.
Give me a task to do each day, to fill the
time while my Marine is away.
And when he has to fight, let him
know he is on my mind even though not in sight.
And, Lord, when duty is in
the field please protect him and be his shield.
And, Lord, when he is in a foreign
land keep him safe in your loving hand.
And, Lord, when deployment is long please stay with me
and keep me strong.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Wanting a Home (Day 16)

Can the month of May just be over already? I want June, I want summmerr time. Most of all I just want summer semester to start.

Saturday my mama and I went browsing and shopping. Mostly at home stores. We saw some amazing things and it was making me sad. Sad isn't the word to describe it, annoyed is more the right word. I cannot wait to go back to California and get an apartment, I cannot wait to actually decorate it. I want my husband home so we can pick out furniture and slowly but surely add our touches to our home (he loves picking things out for the house hehe). I want this more than anything. You see, when I moved to Cali in January after we got married we didn't pick out an apartment. We were crunched for time and just decided to get an apartment at our friends apartment complex. Didn't look around at all. My parents and I loaded everything up and met Weikle at our new apartment complex, I had no idea what I was gonna pull up to. Lets just say, if I were to have picked out our apartment, it definitely would not have been anything like it was. It was in a slightly bad neighborhood, hence the stealing of my car. But we made it work, and don't get me wrong, it was amazing just living and being with my hubby. Wouldn't do it any differently. However next time around, I will be going to Cali weeks in advance to pick out the apartment. I am stoked about this. So stoked that I have already started looking online at them. 200 days in advance should make me more than prepared when it is time to go check them out!

I am a pretty creative person and I love to do things myself rather than just buy things. I plan on finding antique furniture and fixing it up, and find unique things for the apartment. I want to "put it together" myself and cannot wait to see how it turns out. The hubby loves this about me, and not to toot my own horn... but I do as well :]

I enjoy every little thing that comes with being a wife. I absolutely love doing things for him, I love the feeling of being our own little family. I love knowing that everyday I have a person that would do absolutely anything for me. Waking up and cooking breakfast and packing a lunch, folding his laundry perfectly, and having dinner ready the second he walks in the door; love them all. I don't have these things right this second, but I will have them back soon. No doubt about it.

Hope everyone has a great start to the week tomorrow!

P.S.
Hopefully my P90x comes in the mail tomorrow, I am dying to start exercising.
Come on Fed Ex man!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Amazing Husband (Day 13)

Let me start off by saying that my husband is, you guessed it, amazing.

Your all probably thinking "You say this all the time", but I have a really legitimate reason to be
saying it this time. I was able to talk to him through email for awhile today, I really needed to talk to him so I was really excited when I got an email from him. It was about 3am over there when he was writing me.
Let me explain to you what this is like:

Because of the time difference, I never know when he will email or call. It has been at midnight, 0500, and like today it was 1500. This means my computer is always open and on my email in the living room, his computer is on my email in my room, and like I said before...my phone is on loud no matter what. My phone is kept fully charged all of the time and I have it in my hand or pocket at all times.

So, constantly making sure I am available is a full time job. Anyway, back to him being so amazing...he told me everything he knew I was dying to hear, and I ate it up. I ate it up like you do when your a freshman and a senior tells you your everything he has ever wanted (sooo not true). But my husband was being honest, he knew I needed to hear about all the things he thinks about every day. The exact things he misses about me, and all of the things he wants to do when he comes home. I cried, but tears of happiness. After I told him the things I sent in a package yesterday (yes, another package) he told me that I am a good wife and that I know him way too well. This is true, I do know him way too well. I sent him some pictures from Mothers Day, some pictures from Vegas that he hasn't seen yet. He said when he gets home he will kiss me 24/7 and never let me out of his sight. These are the things, even from 8000 miles away, that make my husband so amazing. And even though just words, I know that he wishes he were here to prove himself. To be the husband, the Marine, and the best friend that he is so amazing at being.

2 weeks since he left; feels like I should be saying a month.

The past three days (before I got to talk to him today) have been hard. It's hard to be at home all day without anyone here. I find myself cleaning a lot, doing laundry a lot, and just trying to make myself stay busy. I cannot wait until my summer semester starts. I also cannot wait until the P90x I ordered gets here. If you don't know what P90x is then I highly suggest you open a new tab and google it. I told the hubby that every inch of my body will be rock hard for him when he gets home, he promised me the same (it was already hard when he left haha).

Also, I am giving myself some brownie points tonight. Let me give you some background information first; A few times over the past 5 months I have had to give Weikle a haircut. Either because he forgot or we got home to late to go to the barber shop. Well, using a razor and clippers to achieve that "low fade" from a zero to a 4 is not as easy as it looks. At least not for someone who is not trained to do so. The first time I tried this, his Chief Warrant Officer and Sgt. asked him who cut his hair and why it looked like he got in a fight with a knife set. NOT GOOD. The next time I did it he was reluctant to let me, but I told him that I could do better. I did pretty good that time, not amazing, but good. Well before he left for Afghan. I gave him another haircut. Not to brag, but I did an awesome job. Professional quality. Well last night I gave my brother a haircut and did an awesome job too! I am pretty proud of myself.

Hope everyone has an safe and fun filled weekend! If any of ya'll have an amazing husband like I do than go grab him and kiss him til you run out of breathe.... Props to you for reading all of this, what a snoozer( zzzzz....zzzzz's).

Semper Fi.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Points that need to be made (Day 10)

10 days, finally in the double digits! Woooo hooo. I received a phone call from the hubby early yesterday morning. It felt so good to hear his voice and know how he was doing. He will probably kill me for telling you some of the things he said to me over the phone but I can't help but share them with you all. He said that every time he takes his boots off he wishes I was there to do it for him. I used to take his boots off everyday for him when he came home, otherwise they wouldn't come off until bed time. He said that being in Iraq 2 years ago was a lot different for him because he wasn't dating anyone or married to anyone. He said he thinks about me always and wishes he were here with me instead of "over there". These things put a big smile on my face, one that I very much needed. I told him that I missed his "Michael Scott" impressions (The Office, TV show). So of course, he did one for me. We both laughed. I asked him why he had to be so amazing, why he had to be so good at kissing me and loving me. I told him he was suchaaa man and that I loved him and I would talk to him soon.

I sent my first care package to him yesterday. It felt good to send him the things I knew he needed and wanted but it also made it seem "more real". The fact that I have to send him things made reality hit once again. He isn't just in Twentynine Palms or in a different state, he is a dreaded 8,000 miles away.

This is what his care package consisted of:

  • 1 pair of combat boots (his favv ones that he couldn't fit in his bag to take with him)
  • 1 pair of brown socks
  • 1 bottle of head and shoulders shampoo
  • 2 fly swatters (he said they are everywhere over there)
  • 3 packs of fly tape to hang (sticky stuff that catches flies)
  • 50 packets of Gatorade mix that you can poor into a water bottle
  • 3 pictures (one of me, one of us at our wedding, one of us the morning he left)
  • 1 love note with a million "xoxo's" written on it
  • 1 miniature can of disinfectant spray to use on his sleeping system
  • 4 packages of those Wisp mini toothbrushes that you don't need water for

And all of that fit in one tiny flat rate box! Not a big deal. Go me.

Below is a video that my fellow Marine Wife (she is also a Marine) sent to me. It is kind of dark but the man dancing is my fabulous husband after a few drinks. Hope it makes you smile as much as it did me. Enjoy :]

video

Now onto points that need to be made....

  1. The Phoenix Suns have lost all of my respect. You don't go along with boycotting the state that you play for. That is not how it works. Second, "Los Suns" on your jerseys looks stupid and makes you seem stupid. Your American remember?
  2. I don't know if any of you saw the story on the news about the two high school students who wore American flag t-shirts to school on Cinco De Mayo...if you didn't I will recap the story for you. They wore their American flag shirts and were told by school administrators that they had to go home for the day or turn their shirts inside out. So they went home. They interviewed a "Hispanic" girl from the school and she said it was "disrespectful to wear the shirts on Cinco De Mayo". We are in America and should be allowed to wear an American flag on our clothing ANY DAY we want to. If you are Hispanic and are legally an AMERICAN citizen than you should not feel that this is disrespectful. If you want to live in America, than that means you need to feel and display the pride that comes with being an American. Not hang your Mexico flags outside your houses and from your rear view mirror in your car. If you have that much pride for Mexico then go back to Mexico! Don't live here if you are still proud to be from Mexico, simple as that.

Semper Fi.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Day 6 (What an exciting Friday night!)

This is a chart that I received when going to the Pre-Deployment Brief in late March. I absolutely HATE this chart. What does "In the Groove" mean? A week before he deployed I wrote on this, hence the writing in red, and hung it up on our fridge. This chart doesn't help me, it just irritates me...

It was this time last Friday that I was packing up my home (an apartment that was OUR home) and preparing to say goodbye. I cannot believe it has only been a week, while on the other hand, it feels like I just let go of his hand and just stopped kissing him. I still have not heard from him, which is hard. Nothing prepares your marriage for a sudden "cut off" of communication. As soon as he would walk in the door when he got home from work I would throw myself at him and ask him about his day. He always said he could tell when I didn't do anything all day because I was like a little kid all "wired up" and wanting to play. He was right, I didn't do much all day. But I made sure that he had breakfast every morning, lunch packed, and a kiss on his way out the door. It was the least I could do, I didn't work or go to school. Just because I made him breakfast every morning doesn't mean it was good every morning! I am a great cook, but at 0400, that is a different story! His fried eggs would come out more scrambled than they should have been and his toast would only be halfway buttered, but I did my best for not being able to see because the lights were too bright. He appreciated it, and he made sure I knew. He even tried to pretend that my day was exciting when I told him about it. He tried to act like he was extremely proud when I showed him a spider that I had saved in a container after I had killed it. He asked, "How did you kill it without squishing it?". Good days or bad days it didn't matter, he wanted to know about it. I find myself wanting to text him to tell him about my day when I realize his phone is sitting on the table next to me. Its hard not having my best friend around and when it feels easy I start to feel guilty. I feel like it shouldn't be easy for me to just go on living without him here to live it with me. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but its hard not to. I know that he is waking up over there right now, putting his camis on, lacing up his boots...and I hope that he thinks about me while he does these things. I hope he knows that I am sitting here thinking about him every second of the day. I hope he knows that he is still wanted and needed by me. That just because he is gone doesn't mean things are changing.

The girl he left behind is still behind him.


--Hope you all have a safe and exciting Mothers Day weekend!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Day 5 (Another Morning...)

It is 1100 and I haven't gotten out of bed yet. I'm moping. I promised Weikle I wouldn't be lazy or mope. Well today I am not keeping that promise. I just feel icky today. I miss him, and I could really use an email from him, a call maybe? But no, no communication for 4 days now. I hate not knowing how he is doing. Yes he is a grown man and can take care of himself but I still worry. It seems crazy to have such a strong bond with someone who is away more often than home, but I do. Even from 8,000 miles away I can still feel him. I feel like I know when he is thinking about me, or dreaming about me. On Sunday (when he was in Germany) he wrote me and told me to go buy a grape dranky drank (which is what we call a Grape AMP energy drink) and drink it for him. He lovesss energy drinks, not for the energy but he loves the way they taste. Well I laughed when I read this because 20 minutes before I got his email, I had went to the gas station and bought one because I thought it would make me feel better. SO maybe we do have a special "mind melt".


Come on Weikle, read my mind, find a way to communicate with me!



Yesterday was a good day. I got out of bed pretty early, paid some bills and just took care of a few things. I also washed the hubby's truck for him. Yes an El Camino is a truck (haha) it says on the title. He refuses to call it a car and hates when I make the mistake of doing so. Anyway, before he left he made sure that I knew that the rims were going to need polished. So yesterday I thought I would give it a shot. 2 hours later I had finished washing and polishing rims! Don't get me wrong, they look great. But 2 hours? Sheeesh. Today (if I get out of bed) I am going to wash my car. The dirt road out here is not helping me out at all, but Weikle said if he bought me a new car I had to wash it once a week while he was gone. So I guess I have to. I also gave my Pomeranian a haircut last night. Hence the picture. This Arizona heat just kills her, poor girl.


My days are so exciting, I know. Not much worth writing about.


My nights are long. Tossing and turning. I have my phone on loud so that every time I get an email I wake up. Due to junk mail, this happens at least 15 times a night and every time I wake up I rush to grab the phone to find out it isn't him.

I would love for him to be with me right now, but just an email, a letter or a phone call would
suffice.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Day 3



Really? Could time go any slower?
It seems like forever since I last kissed him.
Now, maybe I am being a drama queen about this, but geez, I don't care.
Flat out, this sucks.

This is going to be a long blog, just giving you a warning.

Some people say that women who date or marry military men just want attention while their man is deployed. There are movies that make it seem like a fairytale, they make it seem like
it's easy and it all ends well. To be honest, I don't want attention from anyone. I want the whole male species to stop hitting on me, to stop looking at me the way they do. I just want my husband to be here and look at me the way he does. The look that says "baby its going to be OK". This isn't easy. It hurts, my whole body hurts... and when I wake up my heart sinks. He's not next to me and I know that tomorrow he won't be either. Nothing about him being gone is easy.

Let me fill you in on a few things about Weikle.

Weikle is someone everyone likes. And I mean everyone. If someone doesn't like him, they have some serious issues. Not meaning to sound stuck up, that's just how it is.
He talks to tellers at the bank like he has known them his entire life. When he speaks, people sincerely listen. He works his ass off and doesn't complain. He's honest, like a man should be. He is one helluva Marine. Ohio is his home land and he lets everyone know it. America is in his blood, and the Corps is his life. His El Camino is his other wife. He cannot wait to be a father, but he will. When he kisses me, he really kisses me. He sets his alarm clock for 2 hours before he really has to wake up so that he can be excited for two more hours of sleep. He has to have Pillsbury Biscuits with every meal. He can eat more raw cookie dough than anyone I have ever met. He is always positive. Weikle is everything I never thought I would find.

I miss him terribly. We aren't perfect. We have had our little arguments. We know exactly which buttons we can push and when to stop. We hug before we start yelling and kiss like we never kissed before. On a normal basis we laugh uncontrollably at one another. We also reminisce about when we first met and how everything fell together so fast. He knows that when I say "Guess what?" that I am going to say "I love you a lot a lot". He tells me I am tough shit when I am trying to be strong.

Well, if you have read this far I am sure I am boring you by now. So onto a few updates.

I am trying to set deployment goals. Like working out, learning a language, and so on. We'll see how well that goes. I can't seem to get motivated to do anything right now.

School starts June 1st. I will be going Monday thru Thursday, o700 to 1200. I am desperately hoping that time goes faster once school starts. Its only 4 weeks of classes so we shall see how well that goes.

Still looking for a job, like the rest of America. No surprise there.

Tomorrow is Wednesday which means Trivia Night at Majerles. Not sure if I am going by myself or even going at all. That is how unmotivated and unhappy I am. You know how much I adore Majerles.

All day I have been on the internet. Google has had my undivided attention all day. I can't help but look at maps and try and pinpoint his location. I wanna see where he his, where mountains are around him, where rivers are, where other districts and provinces are in relation to him, I want to know it all! Well curiousity didn't kill the cat this time but it didn't make me feel any better. I think the hubby wasn't giving me all of the information that he could of. Actually, I am almost positive that he wasn't filling me in all the way. And I understand that most of it he probably couldn't tell me. Well I figured most of it out today with the little information I did have. I now wish I never googled anything.

Everyone, please pray for my husband. And if you don't pray, just keep him in your thoughts. Pray for his friends, his brothers. Pray for his battalion and that they kick some ass and come home to their loved ones safe and sound. Pray for my fellow Marine wife, Jovi. She has a little boy who will be coming into the world in August. Her husband is my husbands best friend. Just know that they have our backs over there right now and we need to have theirs.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Day 1


I did it. I sent my husband off to war.




We pulled over twice on the way back to Arizona so I could throw up. My nerves really got to me. I never thought I would miss someone so much that I would physically become ill.

I feel anxious and nervous. I also feel abandoned even though I wasn't. He wanted to deploy but he didn't want to leave me. He didn't want me to feel this way. I know he didn't want to leave me standing in a parking lot crying and watching him leave. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I knew that we loved each other a lot but after saying goodbye to one another I know that the love we have is uncommon. I don't think that many people get to experience the love that we share. I think people can talk or even write about the love they have for someone but the love we have is unexplainable. Weikle is my other half. He is my best friend. I can't even begin to express in words the feeling I get when I look at him. If I have a question, Weikle has the answer. That is just how it is. I count on him for everything. Life is not the same without him here to experience it with me. I told him that no one will know what I am talking about when I say "Totes Magotes". If you have ever seen the movie I Love You, Man than you should know what I am talking about, and if you haven't than you are proving my point. I once told Weikle when we were laying in bed that the reason we are so good for each other is because he is the man version of me. If I were a man I would be exactly like him. He replied by saying "Yeah Britt, but if I were gonna be a girl I would be exactly like you just with bigger boobs" and we both started laughing uncontrollably.

I'm not sure what I will do when I smell his pillow and it doesn't smell like him anymore. He always took a shower before bed so his pillow smells like Old Spice and shampoo. I wear his clothes to bed, I sleep with his favorite blanket, I have his TV on and constantly watch our favorite show, The Office. I do cry sporadically, and I do feel very overwhelmed and cry out for him before I fall asleep and just wish he could be here. I'm scared for him and I'm scared for me. I hate that I cannot be there to take care of him. He hates that he can't take care of me. He says I am "Itty bitty and teeny weeny" and that I need to remember that. He left me his bayonet (knife) and showed me how to use it. When he is with me I know I am safe, and now I feel alone and vulnerable. I have never felt so alone when I am surrounded by people. I don't think I will ever get used to saying goodbye to him.

I got a phone call late last night and very early this morning. They have had phones available for them to call home on their trip over there. Its amazing how much a phone call helps. I don't know when he will call next, he said probably 2 weeks. So I will be waiting, which is something I absolutely hate.

Please excuse any typos or incorrect sentence formats. Also sorry if any of it is confusing. I'm exhausted and just writing to express the way I feel.

Semper Fi.