Sunday, October 24, 2010

You've Been Gone for Far too Long (Day 177)

Love this picture. Love that it was really hard for me to reach my arm all the way around you like that but I didn't want to let go. We are so close to this being over. It is so easy to get really excited and be super optimistic. And then it is really easy to say that it's still too far away. Mixed emotions right now definitely. We've gotten to the point where I only miss you occasionally and I think you don't take my love notes seriously. It's getting old doing the phone and internet communicating thing and we're just ready for you to be home. I think it's probably the 6 month mark where you start to really get used to someone being gone and it's a horrible feeling.
I wear your green tee's, leave your camis on the floor still, and spray your cologne on my pillow just to make sure I keep on missing you. It gets tough. Especially for you. You want normal living conditions. You hardly have anything that reminds you of me, mostly nothing that reminds you of me. It's been 177 days since I saw your smile, looked in your eyes, touched is crazy. I love you so much, we'll get through the last part of this. I promise. And all of this will have been worth it. You getting promoted, reenlisting, getting praised by that Master Gunns the other day... you wanted this deployment. That is why you extended 7 months to be able to go with your guys. It will be worth it. The next 4 years will be worth it too, trust me.

In other news - I realized today that I have only filled up my gas tank 3 times since moving to California almost 2 months ago. Either I don't have a life or I am good at conserving gas/money. Who knows. You decide. Also, any time I do laundry it's usually a full load of underwear and Pj's. So let's lean towards the "not having a life" end of this discussion. Soon, very soon, I can cook and clean and be the amazing wife I am supposed to be. Come on November, come on Thanksgiving. I am ready for you.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Bliss (Day 174)

Ok, I'm alive and functioning normal again. I am still getting flashbacks of the past week, the pain meds really had me out of it. To be honest, I remember hardly anything of what I did, what I said, where I went. Whew. My Mama and Grandma were absolute saints and I don't know what I would have done without them. Seriously. I am just now seeing things my mom had bought me during the time she was here, the little things she did before she left to make things easier on me and so on. THANKS MOM AND GRANDMA. I'm sorry if I didn't say it enough while you were here. I also feel bad that we got to see each other under such "not so fun" circumstances. So I will try my hardest to make it down there for Dad's birthday weekend. I want to actually spend time with you.

There is so much to say I don't know where to start. The surgery day was a breeze, I was nervous over nothing. Like I said, I don't remember anything. I can't believe it has been a week already! Crazy. The doctor said everything went great and just as planned. They look amazing if I do say so myself. After working out and eating good plus these new editions, I have a killer body. (I know, I sound cocky). The pain of this surgery was nothing compared to breaking my foot or collar bone....or even when I was in the hospital with a staph infection. The worst part was not being able to function on the pain meds. It was extremely annoying. The size came out just right and they will continue to change and all that for the next couple weeks, can't wait for that.

Now onto different news. I have heard from the hubby about once in about 2 weeks. Absolutely hating it, but its easier to deal with now that I have been doing it for almost 6 months. October has gone by very fast, so ready for November! When I talked to him we didn't have too much time, I know he is in not very safe conditions, he's more dirty than normal (if that's even possible), and he misses me tons. I threw that last part in, but I am sure it is true :]

I could possibly be the luckiest girl in the world. I don't mean to brag - but I'm going to. We've got everything for our apartment, minus a bed, and didn't skimp on anything. I have a new car, which I still thank my husband for everyday when I get in it. We have no kids. NO kids. That's great for everyone who has them - but we don't want them for at least 5 years. We are newly married and want to enjoy each other (when he is actually home). Plus, I have no stretch marks, I'm in great shape, and if we want to go to the movies late on a Wednesday night - we can. I got the boobs that God forgot to give me. We have a marriage that cannot be explained or replicated. The hubbs will be extremely happy when he buys his new truck the day after he gets home. Yes, I said the day after. He is so stoked to get his truck that we are driving to Arizona the day after to buy him one. We will then be picking up a new bed, a new TV (some huge one he wants), and one of those nifty TV stands for it. So besides him not being home, I would say life is good.

Starting November 1st it's time to get tan, stay tone, nails, toes, hair, clean and organize everything....and then "hurry up and wait". I love my husband, I love the Marine Corps, and pretty much just love the life I have been given. My best friend will be home soon....bliss, pure bliss.

--The song playing may annoy you if it isn't your type of music. But this song brings me to an amazing place. When he was home, his ipod was our alarm and this was the song that woke us up every morning. I can hear him singing it still haha.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I Can Wait Forever (Day 164)

The days just come and go while I'm standing here. I've said it before and I will say it again, I am just wasting time. And I know it's not a great thing to do, I should live every moment of my life like it's the last but it's harder than it sounds. Most of the time I feel like a zombie. I do pretty much the same thing day after day, which isn't that much. But hey, they say keeping a consistent schedule makes time go faster, they didn't say it had to be a busy one.

The truth is, whether this deployment was 7 months or 4 years, I would still be here waiting. I know I complain a lot and some days I feel like I'm going to die, but I haven't. He was right, I have been okay and I will continue to be okay. No matter how long he is away from me (even the month he was in the field) I still hurt and miss him. So, with that being said, I would wait forever. If it meant being with him again, seeing his smile, feeling his touch, smelling his smell...I would, no questions asked. That's something to be proud of.

Weikle is now "out and about" again. This is sort of a bummer for two reasons a. We are on the downhill of this deployment b. We aren't expecting to have communication and I was really hoping to get a phone call before I went into surgery. Could be around 14+ days before I hear from him, but we will see. I was kind of hoping to be able to talk to him while I'm recovering. But who knows. Keeping good thoughts around and can't wait until he's back to where he should be.

Hoping this week goes quick! Let's get another week under our belts. Going to try to post on Friday after surgery but I might be too drugged up. Hope everyone has a good week!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Husband of Mine.

7 October 2010
Sgt. Weikle Dallas K.


It's one of those nights. I miss you terribly. I'm falling apart for the moment and not liking it one bit. I promised I would stay strong, hold my head up and not let you down. But I'm gonna have to let you down right now. I wanna curl up in a ball until you come home. I've never relied so much on anyone in my life. Every email, every phone call, I grasp onto it with everything I have. I never want it to end. I'm sooo sick of needing a good Internet connection to talk to you, having 5 dropped calls in 2o minutes.

I need you here, I need to be held even just for a minute. I haven't had a hug from you in 5 months let alone a hug from anyone in over a month. I can't remember what kissing feels like. I need someone to look at me after I get ready in the morning and tell me I'm beautiful. Someone to laugh at my jokes no matter what. I rely on you so much. You're truly an amazing man, someone that I envy. What you do everyday just amazes me. I couldn't be more proud to call you my husband. You make me the best person I can be and make me see life in a way that most people don't. You make life simple, straight to the point. Your outlook on life amazes me. I respect you so much, you know that. You'll never know the impact you've had on me, the effect your phone call at 1 AM has on me, the amount that I talk about you, how I can smile just thinking about feeling the back of your head after a haircut.

There is so much that you'll never fully know. I can tell you but, babe, nothing will ever come close to explaining how you make me feel. I'm going to show you, trust me. You come home because I have a lot to do. I want to hold your hand like I've never touched it before, watch you as you laugh, tell you thank you for everything you do... You know, when you were home I did everything I could to make your work week better for you and I still never felt like I gave back enough to you. I would do anything you wanted me to, no questions asked. I can honestly say that marrying you was the best thing that will ever happen to me. I can't imagine not having you as my best friend and husband. I married you because you're everything to me and I can't picture going on in life without you. Not a doubt in my mind we were made for each other.

Know that I'm still here missing you as much as the day you left. Missing doing "it" a lot more than the day you left but you already know that. I love you and I can't wait for the day you step off that bus and smile at me, just your smile...I'd give anything for it right now. We have good things planned for when you come home, I just can't wait. Nothing will feel better than that day. I just want your arms around me, to feel you breathe...the littlest things I miss the most.

I'm doing fine babe, I'm just missing you.

This is me kissing you....XOXOXOXO!

I love you a lot. A LOT.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

All is Fair in Love and War (Day 158)

Even with all the bad luck I have been having these days, I feel pretty lucky. Let's talk about the bad luck shall we?

I have horrible night vision which is slowly but surely turning into just plain horrible vision. The other night I got up to use the bathroom at around 4am ( I sleep on the couch) and I couldn't see that well. I had two flame less candles lit for this purpose and they still weren't doing the job. Anyway, our TV stand has a glass front on it that occasionally opens by itself. The husband said we are going to buy a new one - I insisted we don't need one. Well now we do...because I tripped on it and then kicked it, shattering glass about 10 feet in all directions. It took me 2 hours to clean all the glass up. Awesome!

Then, today I was outside spray painting stuff on our patio and went to walk back in the house - the screen door was closed and I smashed right into it. Maybe I shouldn't drive until I get my eyes checked? That could be a good idea.

I finally got a new phone after the whole ordeal with Verizon. And now, the air is going out in my car that we just bought 7 months ago. Oh, and the CD player in it is going out too. Wonderful. The good news is, I finally got base stickers for it. No more getting questioned going through the gate. Good thing, I was running out of stories. Now if only it would stop raining so I could put the stickers on...

Lets talk about that man in the sandbox now.

It's now October, which is good. I've been waiting for this month to come and now I am waiting for it to be over. I want November, I want a week left, I want an hour left, I want to stand in that parking lot and see the buses pull up. But I can't have everything I want. He's doing good, as good as you can be doing over there I guess. He misses me, but who wouldn't? I've been a real smart ass lately, sorry about that. He's said some really sweet things the past couple of days, things I will never forget. He doesn't say sweet things much; that's okay, actions speak louder than words. He's got to go "out and about" one more time for a few weeks and then he's done. Well done doing his job anyway. Then he moves on to doing other stuff for the last 4 weeks or so. We are getting down to the end, let's hope it goes smoothly.

I've got a mission of my own coming up. My mother-in-law called it: Operation Boobies. Haha isn't she clever? That's right, the twins are getting the makeover they have always wanted. October 15th. And let me tell you, this was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. Not to get them, just what size to get. You think you know what size you want and then you start trying them on and can't decide. It's super hard to tell what size they will be because everything is measured in cc's. Not cup sizes. But I decided and it's official. They say the surgery will be less than 90 minutes long and I will only have an hour in recovery. My mom and grandma are coming up to take care of me. And my fellow Marine wife, Natasha, will be here too - giving me shit and taking pictures to completely ruin my self esteem, and of course, send the pictures to my husband so he can laugh too. How great :] I'm stoked and pretty nervous. I've never had anesthesia before. Shouldn't be too bad, my surgeon is amazing.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weather (AZ family and friends)!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

155 Long and Sometimes Hard Days

By far, the worst part of a deployment is missing someone so much that it physically hurts some days. The next worse thing would be worrying all the time. Worrying about how dangerous of a situation he is in, what he volunteered for, what he didn't have a choice to do. It's hard. But beyond that, beyond the job description, there is a lot more to it.

The choices I make. The things I buy. Things breaking. Unexpected expenses. Trips to the hospital. LIFE.

Everything that I do I have to do by myself. Every decision I make for the most part, is only my decision. Sometimes I can wait a few days and hope to get a call from him and then make the decision. But unfortunately, there have been times when I have to make the decision and just hope it's what he would want too. That's hard to do. I'm just one person taking on everything that comes my way. And when it's a bad day I can't just pick up the phone and tell him to make it better. Not only is he too far away to do anything about it, but it could be days or weeks before I hear from him again. It's hard to do everything that life entails without someone there to take some of the load off of my shoulders.

Verizon Wireless got to experience one of my bad days today. I walked in, guns blazin', walked up to the lady and started to explain my irritating situation with a firm but nice voice. When she opened her mouth and could hardly speak English, my tone changed a bit. When she told me I was wrong, my tone was no longer my "inside voice". I am NEVER wrong unless my Mama or husband says I am first of all. Second, I am the customer, I will never be wrong. This was the point when I began to feel my face get hot and I started to shake a little. I could tell by the sound in my voice that the adrenaline was taking over. I wanted to describe to her what the past 5 months have been like for me, tell her that my husband shouldn't be risking his life for people like her...but I didn't. I started crying. Yep. Right in the middle of the store. And not just a tear, like almost hyperventilating crying. Then I yelled "whatever the F!@# ever" and walked out. How embarrassing. But man, I was infuriated. Verizon needs to work on their customer service.