155 Long and Sometimes Hard Days

By far, the worst part of a deployment is missing someone so much that it physically hurts some days. The next worse thing would be worrying all the time. Worrying about how dangerous of a situation he is in, what he volunteered for, what he didn't have a choice to do. It's hard. But beyond that, beyond the job description, there is a lot more to it.

The choices I make. The things I buy. Things breaking. Unexpected expenses. Trips to the hospital. LIFE.

Everything that I do I have to do by myself. Every decision I make for the most part, is only my decision. Sometimes I can wait a few days and hope to get a call from him and then make the decision. But unfortunately, there have been times when I have to make the decision and just hope it's what he would want too. That's hard to do. I'm just one person taking on everything that comes my way. And when it's a bad day I can't just pick up the phone and tell him to make it better. Not only is he too far away to do anything about it, but it could be days or weeks before I hear from him again. It's hard to do everything that life entails without someone there to take some of the load off of my shoulders.

Verizon Wireless got to experience one of my bad days today. I walked in, guns blazin', walked up to the lady and started to explain my irritating situation with a firm but nice voice. When she opened her mouth and could hardly speak English, my tone changed a bit. When she told me I was wrong, my tone was no longer my "inside voice". I am NEVER wrong unless my Mama or husband says I am first of all. Second, I am the customer, I will never be wrong. This was the point when I began to feel my face get hot and I started to shake a little. I could tell by the sound in my voice that the adrenaline was taking over. I wanted to describe to her what the past 5 months have been like for me, tell her that my husband shouldn't be risking his life for people like her...but I didn't. I started crying. Yep. Right in the middle of the store. And not just a tear, like almost hyperventilating crying. Then I yelled "whatever the F!@# ever" and walked out. How embarrassing. But man, I was infuriated. Verizon needs to work on their customer service.