Thursday, August 5, 2010

Here's to the Things I Do Remember (Day 97)

Here's to us babe. Here's to the times we've shared. Here's to the love we have. Here's to you coming home! Here's to making little Weikle's down the road. Here's to the next 70 amazing years I have with you Dallas Weikle.

I remember our first kiss. Like it was yesterday. Don't you? You caught me off guard and just laid it on me, hard. I wanted to kiss you again, and again. But I didn't. I had to be somewhat hard to get right? I had just met you hours before this, you weren't getting me that easy babe.

The Marine Corps Ball. Oh boy. You were in the field for the two weeks before the ball. In fact, you had just gotten out of the field the night before and drove to get me from the airport. There I stood (ok, I was pacing) waiting to see that bright red El Camino come around the corner. I hopped in and started kissing you all over your face. I was feeling the back of your head, it was just shaved that morning. Because I was kissing you so much, we almost got in an accident. Woops. Once we were at our table you were ordering Jack and Coke's by the doubles. Double fisting it. That's my man :] Before you know it, you were all over me and it was getting a little inappropriate. So we headed up to the room. It had been two weeks! What do you expect. So by the time we made it back down to the ball room, dinner was over, we didn't get pictures, and everyone was missing. But it's okay babe, I had you. All to myself.

The day we got our wedding rings. We weren't officially engaged, were we? No we weren't. But we were at the mall doing our wedding registries? Hmm weird. So we sat down and picked out rings and that was that. We got in the truck to go home and I said, "Ask me to marry you" and you said, "Ok, will you marry me?" and I believe I said, "Haha no shit".

Moving day. The first time. I pulled up to the apartment and their you were. White shirt, blue jeans and white Nike's. Yumm :] I was thinking that I was glad to have snagged you, and as I always say... "I locked it in". Haha. You were looking good babe, and thank god you were, because the apartment complex wasn't.

Reception night. 6 February 2010. But this story begins the morning after. When you were probably really excited that I loved you so much. Not only did I unwrap all of our wedding gifts and load them in the car myself, but I drove us back to California on 4 hours of sleep - while you were vomiting the entire way. I felt so bad for you. You couldn't hang with me babe, it's okay, no one ever expected you to. Like I told you before, the reception in Ohio, that's my turn to get shit-faced :]

Ok, this one may be inappropriate to write about - but I have to. It makes me laugh every time I think about it. We just got done in bed and you went to get up and I went to roll over, and all of the sudden you weren't there! You fell off the bed, actually, you flew off the bed. And you didn't even make a noise like "Oh shit I'm falling". Nope you took it like a man and fell silently haha. And you continue to blame me for the falling when we both know it was all you.

Week before you left. I believe maybe only a few hours before we had to be on base before you left? You had all your bags packed. Heavy and full obviously. And babe, I know you're picturing this in your head right now! Get that smile off your face :] I decided I could probably carry all of your bags like you do. I was wrong. Big pack on my back, day pack around my front, rolling one in my hand, and then the sea bag had to go on top of my head and be held with one hand. So you put it on my head, I grabbed it with one hand and was like, "YES! I have it!". Then I laughed a little, starting falling (while you just stared!) and all that weight took me down so fast. I hit the lamp, it fell into the TV, and then I was stuck upside down. Remember how hard you were laughing!? No sound was even coming out for about five minutes, and I was still upside down trying to stop laughing so I could breathe. Best moment we had before you left.

The day you left, well the night you left. It was freezing and the whole atmosphere was just cold and sad. I don't remember much, it all seemed like a big blur. 4 hours went by so quickly. I was tying bag identification tags on your stuff and you were at the armory getting your weapon. You were soo stoked when you came back with it. I could tell by the way you looked that you were ready and that the night was bittersweet for you. You wanted to go but you didn't want to leave me, I know that. So I held onto you, I didn't know what else to do. I thought if I just cried and held you that they wouldn't make you leave. I cried the entire time. I enjoyed you kissing my forehead more than you know. You looked me in the eyes and you gave me this speech:

"You're gonna be okay Britt. You'll write me and Motomail me and send me stuff okay? You're gonna be busy with school and you're gonna be okay."

Those words still seem so fresh in my head and I know you probably don't remember saying those things but you did. I replay those words over and over. I'm gonna be okay, you said so. And when your name was called I followed you and grabbed your turned around and kissed me 3 times. And you let go of my hand and stepped onto the bus. You took a window seat and I could see you. I walked up and tapped on the window, tears were pouring down my face. You were giving me smiles and shaking your head and mouthing "It's okay" and trying to make me laugh. I just wanted to cry but I was trying to smile for you. Trying to be tough, not "itty bitty" like you always say. And then the lights on the bus shut off and I was thinking, is that it? That's the last I will see his face? And then the first bus pulled away, the second bus followed, and then your bus. I stood there until I couldn't see the bus anymore.

I started walking, following all the other families back to our cars. Our cars that were a little more empty than when we came. I was hyperventilating, and I'm sure people were thinking I was being over dramatic. I wasn't. I felt my heart drop, I felt part of me taken away. It hurt so bad. Physically hurt. I unlocked the car, sat down and the seat was still far back from you driving. I screamed. The radio was on your station - Octane. I tried to leave the seat the way it was and drive but I couldn't reach the pedals. That was step one of changing things. We went back to the apartment, packed up last minute things and headed back to AZ. I threw up three times and never really said a word the entire drive. I could hardly keep my eyes open driving and I didn't even care to.

As hard as it was, as much as I have been through since you left, I would do it all over again for you. I would do anything you asked Weikle.

And you're right, I'm gonna be okay. Because of you.

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