Saturday, March 13, 2010

I Sleep Alone So You Don't Have To...

The feeling I get when I wake up in the middle of the night and realize he isn't asleep next to me isn't a good feeling. It makes me miss him so bad that I can almost feel my heart hurting. And I get scared. You may think I'm being dramatic but just having that feeling and then knowing I am going to feel it everyday for 7 to 10 months is a lot to bare. It's not like he is going to be away for a long time, it's that he is going to be away for a long time in the worst place he could be. Three days and I get to feel safe again....for a little while anyway. These phone calls that I get from him every once in a while just aren't cutting it for me anymore. It's really hard for him to show affection to me on the phone because all day, everyday, he is a Marine who isn't supposed to care, who's "comfort" isn't the Marine Corps priority, who hasn't showered or had civilian contact in weeks. I get on the phone with him and just tell him how much I love and miss him and I have learned to not expect the same emotions back from him because he is used to leaving. He does so much to let me know he cares that I don't need words to assure me of that. Him leaving is his way of showing me and his family just how much he cares. To risk dying for the ones he really loves. And THAT is more than enough assurance for me.

Well I am just going stir crazy. It sounds ridiculous but I can't wait to cook and clean my own house. I just really want to cook and then eat off of our new dishes! His Mom and Step Dad will be coming to visit us soon too! So many exciting things to look forward too. I believe they are flying in on April 3rd and then we will be going to Vegas, which is going to be amazing.

Sometime next week we are going to a Pre-Deployment Brief. OHHH can't wait. I'm sure it will be very informative and all but I'm just really not looking forward to it. It is a for sure thing that he is going but this brief is going to make it seem very official in my head.

Entering Pre-Deployment stage = Reality Setting In


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