Tuesday, June 1, 2010

1 Month [Day 32]

I can't say that this month has gone by fast, but I can't say it has gone by slow either.

It just has sort of...happened. Before Weikle left we talked a lot about how these 7-10 months were going to be and had said that the first and last month were going to be the hardest. That has gotten me through the first month, knowing that I knew it was going to be hard. Now I am at the point where I am supposed to be "in the groove" and not sure what that is supposed to feel like. I have my good days and then some days aren't so good. Something happens and I want to cry, I want to cry until he comes home. Then about 5 minutes into crying I realize I have way to much time left until he comes home. It is hard to have bad days and not have the one person that makes everything better be here for me. No one can or ever will make me feel the way he does. A lot of the time I just want to be by myself, no civilians, no college students, and no family. Just me, myself, and I. I want to be sitting in my apartment waiting for him to get off work and come home to me. Then I realize that I would probably be going crazy sitting there by myself and being alone all of the time. Noticing a pattern here? I have NO idea what it is I should be doing with myself right now, so everyday I just go on doing what it is I have to do and most of the time it is without much thought or any thought at all. I'm in my own little world of stress, worry, and feeling split in two. School feels like a waste of time, like I am learning about things that are not of importance... that the things in my life feel so much bigger than anything you read in an English text book. And even though they may not be, this is how I feel. I never could have imagined that this would be this hard, that I could love someone so much or that someone could love me so much. Or even that I could have a relationship with someone that isn't even the slightest bit effected by being 8,000 miles away from each other.

This picture was taken as I was putting the ring on Weikle's finger on December 30th 2009...and every time I look at it I remember that night, the way his cologne smelt, how happy he was, the family, the laughter, the shock of us actually getting married...a year ago I never would have thought I would have met a man like Weikle and now I cannot imagine if I hadn't. It sounds cheezy but everyday I still feel lucky to be with him and I don't think that will ever wear off.

No comments:

Post a Comment