Day 186

I really don't even know what to say. It's November, finally. I look at my phone and it says "November 2nd 10:52AM" and I smile. November!? I can't even believe it. I've sat here for 186 days and thought about what it would be like for it to be November, what his homecoming day would be like. I've thought about if I still know how to kiss or not, how I will do my hair, if my teeth will be white enough... Every day it's crossed my mind. You plan for this day from the moment they leave. He stepped on that bus and I was already ready for him to be home. I can't wait to be in his arms. To feel that comfort again, to know I have my best friend by my side again. I have waited and waited for this and now, here I am, just a few weeks away from experiencing it. Will I cry? Will I laugh? Will I even be able to function when I see him? Maybe it will be a mixture of everything and I will look like an idiot. Who knows. I think I will be shocked. Just touching him and not being able to comprehend he is actually there with me. I don't want to cry, I want to look good for him. But who knows what will happen.

I do know that this will be the most fulfilling and exciting day of my life. I've laid in bed so many nights and thought about him and what he's doing. Soon, I will know. He'll be next to me and I won't have to worry. He'll be safe, no one will want him dead, and I can relax for the first time in 7 months. I won't have to carry my phone around like it's keeping me alive anymore, I won't have to make sure the battery is completely charged everywhere I go. In fact, I think I will shut the damn thing off for a couple weeks. No more Facebook for communicating with him. No more Yahoo. No bad connections. No more worrying about anything. Just happy. Not feeling alone when you're surrounded by people. I won't cringe every time I see a couple kissing. I won't change the channel when there is a love movie on. I've never wanted anything more than for him to be home. Never.

In just a few weeks I won't be alone anymore. I'll have the man who makes me laugh all the time, the man I would do anything for and know he would do the same. Dependable. I miss that more than anything. To know no matter what, he's there for me. I love this man with everything I have and this deployment has killed me. It's almost over and that is keeping me going. We've come so far and been so strong, it's been unbelievable. Our first year of marriage is almost over. Unfortunately, I have seen my husband less than 4 months in one year. Well, they say the first year is the hardest, I can definitely agree with that.