In My Thoughts [Day 41]

Death is nothing new in Afghanistan but lately there have been a lot of fallen Marines and other service men. I think about their families, wives especially, and children. I think about them receiving the news and what a difficult time they are going to be going through, forever. Every casualty report hits me hard, I feel for these families. Just remember that everyday your going on living your life while someone else is being told that their loved one has lost theirs...keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

I don't really have any updates on Weikle, they have been in river city (when a Marine dies, they shut off communication to or from the base until the families have been notified) for awhile now. He should be getting my next package soon, I hope.

School is making time go by fast like I expected. I have so much homework that I am staying up way too late and waking up way too early (not a morning person) and have been extremely tired. In about 3 weeks I have a 14 or so page research paper due. I am writing about the impacts of war on military families in the U.S. So far it is turning out good. My history class is amazing, I have never learned so much in my life. My hubby will be very proud when he comes home :] And that makes me want to learn that much more.

This weekend I am going with my mom shopping. I told Weikle about HomeGoods and how many things I saw there that I wanted (for our home when he comes back) and he told me that I could go there and get whatever I wanted. He said he could tell how happy it would make me and that's what he wanted. Could I have a better husband? All he ever wants is for me to be happy, and even from so far away he still manages to do so. He told me that I have to wait for him to call me to tell him what I bought so he could hear how excited I am....I can't wait!

I'm sure I have a lot more things to write about but I am not in a very creative writing mood.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!

It Has Been Forever [Day 36]

Ok, maybe not forever. But damn does it feel like forever. Trying to stay positive and say "Hey this isn't so bad" and then I think about how many weeks we have left....ugh. I cannot believe I still have so long to go before he comes home. I start to get really busy and feel like I don't have enough time to get things done before his homecoming and then BAM! I realize I have plenty of time....

I am loving my school schedule, I hate it when the alarm goes off but I love it when I am done at noon. So far I have gotten a lot of homework but it's keeping me busy and I am learning quite a bit.

4 out of 6 packages have safely (intact) arrived in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. The mail isn't taking as long as I thought to get there, which is a relief. Still a little butt hurt about the fact that I can't receive a picture of him. But hopefully soon, 1st Battalion 11th Marines is now on Facebook and trying to keep everyone informed on how our men are doing. Well, I don't mean to be a "Debbie Downer" but I don't want to know how he is doing, I want to see how he is doing. I want him here. I want him to know how much I love and need him.

Come on June, be over with already.

1 Month [Day 32]

I can't say that this month has gone by fast, but I can't say it has gone by slow either.

It just has sort of...happened. Before Weikle left we talked a lot about how these 7-10 months were going to be and had said that the first and last month were going to be the hardest. That has gotten me through the first month, knowing that I knew it was going to be hard. Now I am at the point where I am supposed to be "in the groove" and not sure what that is supposed to feel like. I have my good days and then some days aren't so good. Something happens and I want to cry, I want to cry until he comes home. Then about 5 minutes into crying I realize I have way to much time left until he comes home. It is hard to have bad days and not have the one person that makes everything better be here for me. No one can or ever will make me feel the way he does. A lot of the time I just want to be by myself, no civilians, no college students, and no family. Just me, myself, and I. I want to be sitting in my apartment waiting for him to get off work and come home to me. Then I realize that I would probably be going crazy sitting there by myself and being alone all of the time. Noticing a pattern here? I have NO idea what it is I should be doing with myself right now, so everyday I just go on doing what it is I have to do and most of the time it is without much thought or any thought at all. I'm in my own little world of stress, worry, and feeling split in two. School feels like a waste of time, like I am learning about things that are not of importance... that the things in my life feel so much bigger than anything you read in an English text book. And even though they may not be, this is how I feel. I never could have imagined that this would be this hard, that I could love someone so much or that someone could love me so much. Or even that I could have a relationship with someone that isn't even the slightest bit effected by being 8,000 miles away from each other.

This picture was taken as I was putting the ring on Weikle's finger on December 30th 2009...and every time I look at it I remember that night, the way his cologne smelt, how happy he was, the family, the laughter, the shock of us actually getting married...a year ago I never would have thought I would have met a man like Weikle and now I cannot imagine if I hadn't. It sounds cheezy but everyday I still feel lucky to be with him and I don't think that will ever wear off.

Lots to Blog About [Day 31]

Business first --Today is Memorial Day.

I would like to take this time to thank my husband, all of our friends, and everyone else that is currently serving or has served our wonderful country. Thank you.

Side note for my husband:

You know how much I am in love with you. I think you also know that even if I wasn't in love with you, I would still love you for the person that you are. I absolutely hate that you are gone. But I think I tell you too often how much I miss you and hate that you are away and don't tell you enough how much I appreciate what you do. I am so proud of you and so honored to be your wife. When people ask me how you are doing I cannot help but get a huge smile on my face and feel an overwhelming amount of pride come about me. I love what you do and love the Marine that you are.



Now onto telling you about the fun and event filled weekend I had.

Friday I got to Cali and went out to dinner with my friend Jovy. She is 6 months pregnant and absolutely adorable! We went out shopping to walk off the food we just ate and didn't see much worth buying. Saturday morning we woke up early and got ready for the Military Wives Appreciation Luncheon. We went out to breakfast at Denny's and then went shopping (yes, again haha). We had quite a bit of time before the luncheon started so we went into Hallmark to look at "missing you" cards. We ended up laughing a whole lot when we started reading humorous cards. I bought two cards -one lovey dovey card and a funny one. I am putting them in the mail tomorrow.



The luncheon was absolutely gorgeous. It was at a church (feel bad because I cannot remember the name of it) and the women that put this on for us were amazing. The time and money that they put into it for us wives was unbelievable. These women were crying because of how honored they felt to have us in their church. Man, did I feel appreciated. They gave speeches, most of which made me cry, and just overall made us feel appreciated. We all won baskets and gift cards, and they had all sorts of stuff for the women who were pregnant or had infants at home. The picture below is what our table looked like, every table had a different theme to it. All of the tables had china, and at the end of the luncheon one of the wives won a full set that was at a table. How awesome is that!

After the luncheon we went down to La Jolla Beach and soaked up the sun for a few hours. It was very relaxing and I had a great time. We grabbed smoothies and headed over to her friends house to watch the UFC fight with a bunch of Marines. I left early Sunday morning (0600) and headed back to AZ. Then I went to a BBQ over at my god parents house. Overall, a very busy and fun weekend. I have been exhausted all day and trying to recuperate for school in the morning. Today was one of those tough days for me, actually the weekend was kind of a tough one for me. Being in Cali and seeing all the places that I have so many memories with Weikle at was hard. Going on base and knowing he wasn't going to be there was a really weird feeling. I miss him terribly and cannot wait for his return. Being in Cali was definitely not the same without him with me. I do have to say that it did feel good to be there though, to be around Marines and military spouses again. Not that I have or will have a bunch of them as friends, it just felt good to be surrounded by people who know the lifestyle, who have the same love/hate relationship with the Marine Corps as I do. To see the USMC pride everywhere again, to feel it around me....it felt good. I felt at home again, like maybe he was coming home soon.

I wanted to share this poem with you all, it was on our tables at the luncheon.

THE SILENT HERO

She wakes very early, he's leaving today.

She will stand tall and proud as he is walking away.

He glances back warmly at his children and wife, knowing they will bravely carry on their life.

Her strength and her courage only one understands.

He is walking away with her heart in his hands.

For he knows that without it he would be lost, but they both know that freedom comes at a cost.

She walks away holding her children so close, swallowing tears for the one she loves most.

This quiet hero does not walk into wars, she soldiers on behind her closed front door.

She will move through life with the wind at her back, determined to keep her family on track.

Her tears will fall in silence while she lies in her bed.

Her fear is right there but nothing is said.

She will ask that no medals be pinned to her chest, her husband's safe return will be her only request.

Few understand her commitment and her life.

She is the quiet hero.

The Brave Military Wife.

Package Arrival (Day 24)

I heard from Weikle today, and I am a very happy girl to say the least because he got the first package I sent him! This was amazing to hear. It's like part of me arrived in the box I sent him... I was happy to hear that the guys are loving the fly swatters I sent. I have to admit they were pretty awesome, black and bigger than the average fly swatter, they were called Super Swatters (haha) and very manly if I do say so myself. I had sent him his old pair of boots and he said he put them on almost immediately. This was such a relief for me; I feel as though I took care of him today. I sent him his hair clippers and mosquito spray today. The lady at the post office made this comment to me, "He can't deal with a few bugs?" and I said, "Anything to make his days just a little better, even if it is only getting rid of a 'few' bugs". Come on lady, your working in a post office and making comments about what my husband wants while he is in Afghanistan?
I'm sure you complain about your 8 hour shift, he doesn't complain about his 16 hour one. Bite me.

I realized today that I really just want to see Weikle's face. Even if just a picture. I didn't realize before that it would be 215 or so days before I actually saw his face. I can send him pictures but I don't think I will be seeing pictures of him there until he comes home. It just blows my mind. What an awesome bond to have with someone though, to not see each other for 7 months, to hardly talk to each other in that 7 months, and to have no doubts that when he steps off that bus it will be like he never even left. Could I ask for anything better than that? I have a better relationship with my husband who is thousands of miles away than most people have with someone they see everyday. It is an absolutely amazing feeling.

I was going to sleep before I started writing this and then realized I wasn't going to be able to fall asleep. Partly because my bed seems empty tonight, more empty than usual. And secondly because I feel like I may be getting sick. UGH. I have a scratchy throat and just feel BLAH. I really hope this goes away.

I'm going to go back to trying to fall asleep now, and back to waiting to hear from him again :]
Let's all pray that this week flies by! School starts next Tuesday, yay!

"The Marine Corps has just been called by the
New York Times, 'The elite of this country.'
I think it is the elite of the world."
--Admiral William Halsey, U.S. Navy

Day 23

I absolutely love this man right here. 10% of the deployment is done. Doesn't sound to bad when you look at it like that does it?

Well p90x really kicked my butt last night, I was rubbing icy hot on my back before bed. That shows how out of shape I am.... Tonight will be interesting to say the least haha. I really have to work hard this week because I will be gone Friday and Saturday. Going to Cali to take care of a few things and have some fun with a friend over there.

Tomorrow I will be attempting to find a job, finally. Not sure I exactly want one, nor do I exactly need one, but if it helps time go by faster than I am all for it. I will be sending another package tomorrow, the hubby asked for hair clippers (he said they have a pair that needs replacing), and mosquito spray. So I will be doing that tomorrow as well. I will be buying Slim Fast and fruit to eat for breakfast for when I start going to school. So excited for my english and history classes.

I am sort of at a loss for words tonight, sorry for the short post. I will make up for it next time.

Hope everyone has a good start to the week tomorrow!

Randomness [Day 21]

I have been at a loss for words the past couple of days, not sure why. Every time I have sat
down to write, I feel as though I have nothing to say....

I finally got P90x and tomorrow I will be doing Day 1 of 90 days, but actually I am going to do 180 days total. Weikle is going to be so proud of me, I can't wait! I absolutely love working out and eating right, so this is a fairly easy challenge for me. Weikle and I are both strong willed people who never start something we aren't going to finish.

I spent some time catching up with old friends this week, got a pretty nice tan too! Overall, it was a much needed get together. I also went and watched my cousin graduate 8th grade. I was sitting there remembering what I wore to my 8th grade graduation and how I did my hair, but I couldn't remember anything else about that night. Imagine that! We had a nice dinner with quite a few members of the family these week too, to celebrate her graduating. Surprisingly, this week went fast.

Going to California next weekend for a Military Spouse Appreciation Luncheon, going to stay with a good friend of mine who's husband is also deployed. Excited to go back to Cali and feel like I am home again, even if it is a temporary feeling.

I have felt very irritated lately. I am so sick of hearing people complain about things that aren't things to complain about. I am tired of people not caring about other people. It is ridiculous how many American values and morals don't exist at all anymore. I hate all the petty bullshit. I hate the simple things that people make so complicated and into drama. It was so nice just knowing that everyday I had my husband, my home, and everything I needed. I am so glad that I have the things that so many people want. I have an absolutely amazing husband. 1st year of marriage and we will have only spent 4 months together. I have no doubt that even 35 years from now we will love and trust each other even more than we do now. I am so blessed and so lucky to have what I have, know the things I know, and be who I am being. I don't have to explain or prove this to anyone. We know first hand how amazing our lives are.

It's time for me to go to bed. I wish that I had someone to pack a lunch for, make breakfast for, and kiss in the morning.

Dear Lord,

Give me the greatness of heart to see,

the difference between his duty and his love for me.

Give me the understanding so I may know,

that when duty calls he must go.

Give me a task to do each day, to fill the

time while my Marine is away.

And when he has to fight, let him

know he is on my mind even though not in sight.

And, Lord, when duty is in

the field please protect him and be his shield.

And, Lord, when he is in a foreign

land keep him safe in your loving hand.

And, Lord, when deployment is long please stay with me

and keep me strong.